(cont) study of PhD kills a life (near the end of 1st trimester already), it is never an easy task for you to settle down in a short time. I have medical background and I of course fully understand why one would have the miscarriage (you know, the most often, and what you have probably inferred, chromosomal abnormalities) and of course clinically it is not something really that rare. But if you are the first person in this situation, you will know what I feel and know. My faithful comment to you is that, never comment things when you are not so sure, and in such a rude way. Actaully from your words, I really felt your comments are rather aggressive. Maybe I am too sensitive but what you wrote of 'hyperbole', 'passive aggressive', people struggle to read your message, the casual conclusion that I del the original msg and I might also del the pregnancy msg all make me feel so. If you have aware, I del the original message after I replied your comments, so I have no intention to del such pregnancy part because it is not something that I should hide. I think this is something that I should clarify here and to you, rather than sending a PM, though I clarify some other things to you in PM previously. Anyway, I do treasure your comments and I believe you are much older and experience than me in handling things like this, and as you might have noticed, I took your criticisms and del my original post and make it short, so that people who'd like to help can give advice to me. I think you are a thoughtful person and it is something that I should learn from. If you have comments about how I can deal with my supervisor, I welcome your generous comments and it is indeed something that I urgently need, but please understand that I take things objectively already and am not drawing a chocolate rain relation in the issue, if you want more details for you to give advice, I would certainly promptly reply.

I must thank for the useful comments that many of you have made below. I know some are not really that sympathetic but this is not something that I need when I posted a msg here. I wrote such a long original message because I want people to honestly comment on the situation so can help me to get some new perspectives that I am not aware. Should this supervisor a bad guy or am I bias on the whole situation ... etc ... Of course, I talked to some of my close friends about the entire issue that I mentioned here, but sometimes, as you may know, friends are friends, and they just always support you in anything.

What I get here is valuable, though at first I am really sad to know. After summarising some of your comments, I know several things

1. It is nearly a consensus among the PhD / supervisor community that taking breaks are not that right thing ... even for any unexpected pregnancy or health problems.

2. Work and private issue are not neccessarily in harmony. One should never expect so.

3. I should have better anger management / EQ.

I understand my anger begins three years ago when I know my supervisor is not so capable of what I am actually doing. I am angry for my behavior at that time because I did not have the courage to talk to the division head, asking for a change of supervisor. Then later during my pregnancy, I encountered some very bad experiences from my supervisor again, it is indeed not so humane but now I understand it is just because of #1 that I mentioned - it is SIMPLY a concensus ... Then I think I am just too young and so inexperience in this cruel World. Maybe my career path is actually too smooth and maybe my family has been too good to me, I now know when you expect everything to be ideal of what you have expected, that is not right, especially when it is talking about private life in work, so it's #2. And of course, #3, it is useful that I should behave better especially I am a grown up now. But sometimes when I think I should smile and so in front of a bad guy, I cannot do it. Maybe you can give me advice on this if you have any experience before. And I really do not know what to do when the supervisor intends to get the work away from me, if anyone has such experience, please let me know and I would appreciate your advice in it. Once again, I am grateful for all those who gave comments here, I am sorry that I cannot address you all, but your comments and help will always be in my mind.

I am really sorry that I del the original msg and this may have caused inconvenience to people. This is actually something that I have never thought of. I del because after a second thought and from a reminder fr one of the people here, I think it is more convenient for people, whom I know should be busy but well educated ppl, to give comments and advice. And if people who really want to help, we can then PM each other for further details. I did not have a backup of the original msg and I am sorry that I cannot revive now. As you may know, I am very new to this forum and I actually am quite naive about the rules, I apologise again for any bad feelings that might have arisen.

And to pamplemousse, I am equally sad to read your message. If you have noticed, I replied your message before I sent you the PM, which you later reply me at 7 am. I hope you can get what you want very soon but before that, and I think if you are not a doctor, please do not comment whether my miscarriage is not because of the lab people. Your causal logic about the chocolate and rain is, I am afraid, not the best and appropriate description of my situation. Of course, I understand that you wrote such msg might because you want me to know things fr another perspective, but please know that I myself know exactly what was happening during that period and the change of my body. You actually hurt me deeply because I really know what is the actual likely cause and such cause has actually tortured me for a while. You know, when you know your study

I believe when you were scolded unreasonably by someone in the lab, then you felt you were really angry and your heartbeat fast, abdomen became increasingly painful, and immediately you had some fluid coming out from your vagina, and finally checked out it was blood! And a day later, the baby coming out after another an hour of intense pain. Should this miscarriage not the atrribute of the people in the lab, I wonder what would be the cause.

Hyperbole? It's all truth but everything is so unreal, isn't it? I cannot believe there is such supervisor on this earth thou.

If anyone who replies this thread, I hope he/she can give me suggestion of how I can deal with this supervisor.

Yes, this is something that I know too. Before I was pregnanted, I worked like 9-11, weekends and so on. But the only thing that I could do when I knew myself was pregnant is to give birth to it. I can never kill the baby because of my work, that's not fair to her. Depsite the facts that I did take leave, I also went back to lab for work, and even work a long time on animal. Of course I was scared, but I have no choice. It was a torture for me. I thought of quitting at that time but I finally gave up. My motivation was that my baby and me can earn the PhD together. You know, there is no second thing that a mom and a kid can do together like this, same heart same mind, later in their life. I feel that I am keen on my work. Maybe you are right that my supervisors thought me not commit to my work, but he should always provide guidance to get me 'right' to track (commit), I believe that's the responsbility of a professor.

Magictime, thanks so much for your kind words. I understand pregnancy is not so welcome in our field ...
:-(

Yes, you are right. I read your story too Lostinoz, hope everything is ok on your side now. I felt that my division head and supervisor were so kind to me, but now I honestly feel that they just treat us as robots, if we take leave, they hate us; of course if we work extra hard, they love us ... I don't understand why as a research student, we cannot manage our own time ... we are not students from taught degree program. During my second pregnancy, when I felt that I was ok with the response, I did not even get a day off. My religion does not allow contraception ... I know such unplanned pregnancy should not be so welcome ...

Money,

Yes, really tough ...

1. He is not working in my field and he knows nothing about my work. It is me who give myself the directions, not him ...

2. Yes, I may not be good enough to get my PhD. But the point is, it is so unfair that nearly all the PhD here do not have papers before they graduate. There is one PhD just graduated 2 months ago, no paper, but just draft one now. It is sort of custom here in our department that you don't have to have the paper before you graduate, but you should have enough (or nearly enough) material to write up a paper later on. I do have sufficient material to write one now, even before my graduation.

3. Yes, three papers should be common. I actually have three papers published for my MPhil too. But again, there no written rules that we should have three papers before graduation. It is just a rule that they suddenly madeup during the meeting. There is another student graduating with me, he has no paper too. But he is now near his oral defense, everything is smooth on his side - all because his supervisor is different from mine.

4. When I stayed at home in my first trimester, I took unofficial leave as granted by the division head. Then at my third trimester, I took unofficial leave because my supervisor told me to do so, not until he suddenly changed his mind. Then when I delivered and recoverd, I took official leaave with approval from both division head and him.

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(will be summarised)

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(will be summarised)

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I know I was very angry when I wrote this thread about 20 hours ago and I know it was long. I take the comment of pamplemousse and summarise my prob as follows. If you encounter such experience as follows, what would you do? Please kindly give me advice ...

1. Useless and illogical supervisor.

2. Unreasonable rule imposing ONLY on me.

3. Supervisor intended to get my work away.

If you need examples and the possible causes for the above experience, please let me know and I shall PM you the details.