I am not only in the final year, but final months of work on my PhD thesis. I've been at it for four years, and have absolutely nothing to complain about. My advisors have been amazing. I've enjoyed participating in seminars, colloquiums, and conferences. I successfully published an article, and went smoothly through that process.

I've battled distractions, a lengthy illness, and a few significant bouts of depression and anxiety. My marriage is strong, and my few relationships are intact. There is the possibility of a job once I finish up. When I 'count my blessings', then, I wonder why I'm still feeling more negative, depressed, anxious, isolated, and wondering what the point of it all really is. To whatever extent this is 'normal' at the end of a PhD, it doesn't make the difficulty of having these experiences any less intense, de-motivating, or stressful.

I'm just exhausted, and dreading the feedback from my advisors once they've read and commented on my full draft. I'm dreading the end of the project, because I'm dreading a big move. I'm dreading the big decisions involved with where that move may take my wife and I, and what it will mean for our future. And, in the end, I have a more powerful sense of isolation and absolute alone-ness than I've ever experienced, thus my attempt to describe all this in a relatively anonymous forum where it is hoped that others may relate, and even a few might have wisdom to share.