Hello, first post here!

I started my PhD this year and so far it's been a mixture of severe anxiety and some success.

The good - I have started working on some of my boss's ideas and managed to get results that I will submit to a conference soon. I am studying in Europe, so I have a MSc already, and some previous research experience essentially through Master's Thesis and internship, so getting something publishable in the first year is not uncommon.

The bad - I have had many periods of severe anxiety (I am on therapy for lifelong problems of general anxiety) related to my research, how much my boss likes me, how I compare to others, etc. I often feel paralyzed and lose all my hope in being a reference in the field.

In intellectual terms, this PhD has been the most rewarding activity I've had since I started university, so I'm very happy with my choice. However, I'm very obsessed with being the best, or at least very very good and impress everyone around me. I often tend to get overwhelmed by this and procrastinate (I'm more of an over-worrier than a workaholic) which contributes to not achieving this high standard I set for myself. Another thing is that I tend to avoid things that I don't know well - I get anxious and avoid those papers, books, etc, even though I know that studying them would be good for me. I compare myself to others a lot and feel extremely down when they know more than me...

I sincerely apologize for the length of this post but I needed to vent out, as recent times haven't been the best... Anyone has any particular advice on how to deal with this kind of anxiety? Is it fair wanting to be extremely good in a world where everyone seems so smart? Do very successful people also experience this type of anxiety or am I doomed to failure?