Work place problem

S

I have a colleague who is doing PhD under the same adviser as me. Its usually me and that guy who are in lab doing our research work. So we get quite a lot of time to chat. I was never fond of that guy but I was still okay to have him around and its been a year already. That friend of mine is very hard working, talented, is a good person and also helpful. On the other hand, he sometimes seem to be very proud and from his talks I can feel like he is trying to say.."no one is as hardworking and as smart as him. He is always right in what he does .... blaa blaa...self centered kinda attitude." Also one of his other habit is, Its always work work and work, he is always with PhD work. He wants to do nothing beyond research. Every new person we meet, say in the conference or in the department he is always thinking about how he can be benefited from that person in his research. He is not a friend whom you can hang out with beyond the school compound. Everything beyond research is waste of time for him. I feel so surprised how he is always working, working and working without any break, no weekends no any other breaks. Good for him though. And I am not the one who can work like him. I can clearly see we have very less common interest. I believe, even though there is no specific reason to hate him but being friends with him over a year and coming across many situation in which his behavior and attitude in those times, might have developed into a hatred feeling towards him.

Recently I have just started hating that guy so much, no any particular reason and no any personal reason I just do not like that guy at all. May be its because of the way he is and may be he is not the type of person that I get along with, I find it stressful and torturous to be around him. Even thinking about him makes me filled with anger. May be its just a situation when you do not like any person without any particular reason. Having a common adviser and having a common work station makes me kinda difficult to stay away from him. I just do not even want to look at his face. I just know I hate him so much so I am trying to avoid staying in his surrounding as much I can. Still when we are around, I can talk with him normally if I have to. So I am now wondering, should I just work on myself and try to be neutral towards him as there is no specific reason for me to hate him. On the other hand, I also feel just, stay away from him and focus on my stuff as I have no any special need to be friend with him.
I am just mentally tortured having that friend around. Please let me know if anyone of you have in similar situation. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

P

To be honest it sounds very much like you are jealous because he works harder and is more successful than you.
You really need to urgently get on top of your own problems. Once you get yourself in a better mental place you will find this jealousy will simply disappear. The alternative is that you let it poison you.
Have you considered how he feels about you?

K

Hahaha! Sorry I am not laughing at your situation but rather I was thinking of posting something similar just last night. I work in an office environment with three other PhD students. While the individual in question is definitely not as hard working as your colleague, I have slowly started to get very irritated by having them around. Whatever discussion we may be having almost always seems to get diverted somehow to them putting forward ridiculous conspiracy theories or just utter rubbish with no facts to back them up. And the thing is that you could walk in to the office and start a conversation about things as diverse as last nights football match to dating and the conversation would almost always get diverted to their ridiculous ideas.

The other thing is that the person is also quite intrusive. I could walk into my office one day and see things on my desk moved about and they even admitted to "checking out" my research. Also, it seems impossible for me to sit in peace and quiet to focus on my research as they're always talking or interrupt my research and guess how? By coming up right behind my back and staring at what I am reading. It pisses me off so much when I can feel the person looking from right above me. The fact that they're not too hygienic and love to make physical contact only makes matters worse.

I don't think moving offices would be an option so for the past week I have been using the campus library which isn't as ideal as having your own office space....

T

Sofi and Kahn's situations sound rather different to me. I hate to say it but I also wonder if you aren't a bit jealous Sofi... We don't choose to feel jealous, it just rises up in us, and manifests in much the way you have described! Noticing the amazing strengths of our colleague and despising them, and hating the actual person strongly and for no known reason are surely classical symptoms! I agree with pm33 that you need to make a decision about whether to rise above this or let it poison you.

Kahn your colleague sounds a bit odd and annoying (actually touching stuff on your desk?!). I don't blame you for moving to the library. But then why should you have to vacate your own space because he/she is behaving so intrusively? Are you able to diplomatically explain how you feel he/she is invading your space and ask them to stop?

P

Quote From Kahn:
Hahaha! Sorry I am not laughing at your situation but rather I was thinking of posting something similar just last night. I work in an office environment with three other PhD students. While the individual in question is definitely not as hard working as your colleague, I have slowly started to get very irritated by having them around. Whatever discussion we may be having almost always seems to get diverted somehow to them putting forward ridiculous conspiracy theories or just utter rubbish with no facts to back them up. And the thing is that you could walk in to the office and start a conversation about things as diverse as last nights football match to dating and the conversation would almost always get diverted to their ridiculous ideas.

The other thing is that the person is also quite intrusive. I could walk into my office one day and see things on my desk moved about and they even admitted to "checking out" my research. Also, it seems impossible for me to sit in peace and quiet to focus on my research as they're always talking or interrupt my research and guess how? By coming up right behind my back and staring at what I am reading. It pisses me off so much when I can feel the person looking from right above me. The fact that they're not too hygienic and love to make physical contact only makes matters worse.

I don't think moving offices would be an option so for the past week I have been using the campus library which isn't as ideal as having your own office space....


Now this is a different scenario altogether.
I would mercilessly butcher anyone who touched my stuff and I would be very blunt about them invading my personal space. There is a time for being diplomatic and there is a time to "bring the thunder" lol :-D

K

Quote From pm133:
Quote From Kahn:
Hahaha! Sorry I am not laughing at your situation but rather I was thinking of posting something similar just last night. I work in an office environment with three other PhD students. While the individual in question is definitely not as hard working as your colleague, I have slowly started to get very irritated by having them around. Whatever discussion we may be having almost always seems to get diverted somehow to them putting forward ridiculous conspiracy theories or just utter rubbish with no facts to back them up. And the thing is that you could walk in to the office and start a conversation about things as diverse as last nights football match to dating and the conversation would almost always get diverted to their ridiculous ideas.

I don't think moving offices would be an option so for the past week I have been using the campus library which isn't as ideal as having your own office space....


Now this is a different scenario altogether.
I would mercilessly butcher anyone who touched my stuff and I would be very blunt about them invading my personal space. There is a time for being diplomatic and there is a time to "bring the thunder" lol :-D


Yeah they basically know everything I am reading as they looked through every paper on my desk. I think you are right. I should probably be straightforward however I know for sure that this is not going to be taken well and I have to spend another 3 years in the same office as this person.

K

Quote From Tudor_Queen:
Sofi and Kahn's situations sound rather different to me. I hate to say it but I also wonder if you aren't a bit jealous Sofi... We don't choose to feel jealous, it just rises up in us, and manifests in much the way you have described! Noticing the amazing strengths of our colleague and despising them, and hating the actual person strongly and for no known reason are surely classical symptoms! I agree with pm33 that you need to make a decision about whether to rise above this or let it poison you.

Kahn your colleague sounds a bit odd and annoying (actually touching stuff on your desk?!). I don't blame you for moving to the library. But then why should you have to vacate your own space because he/she is behaving so intrusively? Are you able to diplomatically explain how you feel he/she is invading your space and ask them to stop?


Yeah I think I am going to have to be more straightforward now. No point in causing myself unnecessary stress.

S

@pm133, @Tudor_Queen, @Kahn, Thank you all for the opinions. Now, at Ieast I know I have to work on myself, I personally also feel I do not want to be hating anyone. May be I kinda felt intimidated by him, or may be its just a jealousy. But it seems to occur to me only when I am around him otherwise I absolutely do not even care. I have my own stuff to think about when I am not in vicinity of him but I find it difficult to withstand him around me.

T

Just some practical tips... Easier said than done, but try not to compare yourself (your progress, your feedback, etc) with him. Set your own personal targets and then recognize the accomplishment when you achieve them. Either ignore feelings of anger etc - or maybe let them drive you to work harder!

All the best.

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