Jealous of phd co-student

posted
01-Apr-18, 17:39
Avatar for Jameson___
posted about 5 months ago
Hello,

I'm currently in my 5th year of PhD and I feel constantly jealous about a co-student, which is in his 5th year. We are in slightly different projects but he is more lucky as a lot of papers got published by his team mates. Addionally, even if we start with the same salary, he got slightly more than me right now. In the meantime, our professor (we've got the same) is more elastic to him than me. He is constantly scold me whereas he doesn't do the same thing to him. I know that my colleague is more tough guy than me but this behaviour doesn't help me and motivate me. What can I do? I think I speak to a wall every time I speak to my professor. In other words, I think my professor appreciates my colleague more than me.
posted
03-Apr-18, 13:47
by tru
Avatar for tru
posted about 5 months ago
Dear Jameson__,

In research, your research papers are your currency and value. The other student has a lot of research papers while you have less. So, yes, it is understandable that there may be preferred treatment towards this other student in the form of salary and actions.

All I can say is get over it. It is hard not to be jealous, however this negative feeling will not serve you well. Concentrate on your project and finish it as best you can. Luck plays an important role when it comes to landing a fruitful project with lots of publications, and sometimes it is not the most hardworking one that gets the most research papers or grants. Accept that life can be unfair and work hard to become a better version of yourself.
posted
04-Apr-18, 09:33
edited about 17 seconds later
Avatar for Jameson___
posted about 5 months ago
But I think it's unfair to help my professor him instead of us. I have a much more difficult PhD and no support where he has a easier topic and stronger collaborations, and it's not on me to bring new collaborations.
posted
04-Apr-18, 10:25
by lucedan
Avatar for lucedan
posted about 5 months ago
If you have a more difficult PhD, presumably the results if you succeed in your project will be stronger and probably your salary will get a boost. I guess your problem is not about money, nor collaborations. It's maybe lack of confidence, as you see your project progressing slower? If that's so, talk to your supervisor about your progress, and ask or propose to him suggestions to boost your research. As long as you have a salary, you have time to play a long game - plan it accordingly.
posted
05-Apr-18, 12:01
edited about 5 minutes later
Avatar for Jameson___
posted about 5 months ago
You're right. It is different and from my perspective, my PhD is more future proof. The problem is mine, but I suppose that both me and my colleague have to get same treatment from my supervisor. I study all day (almost) and no breaks. Even on holidays, I think about my PhD but I think that's not enough. Whereas my colleague just processes according to what they tell him to do
posted
05-Apr-18, 16:48
edited about 20 seconds later
by lucedan
Avatar for lucedan
posted about 5 months ago
Honestly, I can understand your feeling. I was jealous myself of an incompetent PhD colleague that was only good at getting funding and opportunities for the project, and because this he was praised for the work of others. But that's part of system, you have to accept it. Learn from it, and ask your supervisor a honest opinion on what you should do / a plan to improve your outcomes.

But honestly, it you think that it's 'not enough', you are probably already doing a great work. Keep giving yourself a chance.

If you don't feel motivated, that could be a problem in the long run, as you could start a hostile behaviour to counterattack the problem. I suggest you to understand how your supervisor is, and to learn how to communicate with him as soon as possible.
posted
07-Apr-18, 17:29
edited about 3 seconds later
Avatar for Jameson___
posted about 5 months ago
Thank you for the reply,
but I see my professor helping my colleague (at least trying to help) but he doesn't help me so much, and I have one and a half year in the PhD before my colleagaue. I don't know what to do, the burnout is close
posted
08-Apr-18, 13:51
edited about 29 seconds later
by Mettis
Avatar for Mettis
posted about 5 months ago
I can understand you, I have the same feeling and that hurt me a lot, the difference between us, I have no funding.
I work hard and my subject is very difficult and my supervisor doesn't help me, is not his area, and have one project with funding and just two person benefit and all time tell they progress and don't see also I progress without help. I think he said that to not judge him why you don't help me...

all time I ask the same question: why I have no chance? why they don't care about what I do? and a lot of questions. I am depressed.
posted
08-Apr-18, 23:29
by tru
Avatar for tru
posted about 5 months ago
Quite a lot of us in this forum have been in a situation where we are less favoured by our PI. This includes being neglected while another student is being showered with attention, funding, papers and collaborations. Sometimes it could very well be that the other grand project was a culmination of years of previous work, with plenty of data and in line with the PI's future goals. And unfortunately, yours isn't that grand project and so despite your hard work, you probably won't get the praise and help that you feel you deserved.

Yes, you could end up very jealous and angry at this unfairness. Sometimes things don't improve even after you talked to your PI. Three things you could do. 1) bear with it and finish your Phd 2) change to another project/ supervisor and start over and 3) just quit. I do not recommend quitting because I think that is reserved for unethical harassing supervisors, major project issues and irreversible bad blood between students and PI. However only you can decide your actions from here forward.
posted
12-Apr-18, 19:13
Avatar for Jameson___
posted about 5 months ago
Thank you very much for the answers. I think that a lot of the issue is due to my personal views. Or it is a matter of character of mine. I don't really know but I will try to resist this situation and show my best self

Postgraduate
Forum

Copyright ©2018
All rights reserved

Postgraduate Forum

Masters Degrees

PhD Opportunities

PostgraduateForum is a trading name of FindAUniversity Ltd
FindAUniversity Ltd, 77 Sidney St, Sheffield, S1 4RG, UK. Tel +44 (0) 114 268 4940 Fax: +44 (0) 114 268 5766