Go get him, woman, there's nothing wrong in it. I may be a little old fashioned here, but perhaps you should wait until he makes a move, otherwise it would be a disaster, PhD wise

Wrong? What??? She's not a girl, get a grip people. My only objection is that scholars are quite nerdy, not my type.

Snap OUT of it. Of course it will be difficult, but I know -- unfortunately, from experience -- that these situations can escalate and create huge problems, both professional and personal, and need to be stopped quickly. Avoid saying or doing anything that would confirm there is something going on; even confronting him about his feelings would be a huge mistake and would escalate things. My first suggestion is to avoid non-essential communication and e-mails. Obviously don't initiate this kind of contact and if your supervisor starts, change the topic to something related to your work. Go into your meetings with a list of work-related points, discuss them and leave.

. If you're still having awkward blushing moments in your meetings, ruin the moment immediately by talking about a paper you were reading for example. Occupy the void that is left with positive things, interacting more with other colleagues, extra-curricular activities and so on until your mind is no longer distracted with him. Make a conscious effort to oppose the slightest feelings you have for him with thoughts of being professional and getting your PhD. Bring yourself to account each day and consider how your efforts improved the situation and how you can improve further the next time a particular situation presents itself.

Make a conscious effort to maintain this for at least a few weeks. If you find after that after this time the situation has not improved, then you need to take on a second supervisor and distance yourself from your current one. It doesn’t matter if they lack the expertise of your current supervisor, it’s likely nobody does, and it will become a practical exercise in working more independently. If you don’t do any of this, you’ll almost certainly regret it and likely hurt a lot of people in the process. Lamp, I can not sufficiently emphasize the gravity of your situation.

This is a difficult situation. Personally i think the whole professional/ethical issue in terms of academic relationships is by-the-by. If a relationship develops and persists, then it can be worked out in terms of who supervises you, etc to ensure there are no conflicts of interests. even if this means moving institutions. The issue that IS of concern is in Lamp's first post...

***both have partners***

Believe me, the personal ramifications of this are far greater than academic ones, IMO. People can - and trust me, WILL get hurt. Frankly, I think this should be the priority concern here

RogueAcademic, number 9 in the world

kronkodile - i brought that up a couple of times but it doesn't seem to have registered with the romantic-types here. The language used seems to encourage or validify superficial feelings towards her supervisor and completely disregard the fact that they both have partners and possibly families.

katq - no idea what you're referring to..?

Sorry, you asked which institution, it's number 9, look it up.

Lamp, I'd like to relay to you a little story of a friend of mine who got swept up in the same situation to yourself. She actually started dating her supervisor (and was switched to another supervisor). However, things didn't work out, because the whole crux of their attraction was that they were attracted to the allure and fascination of what could be, not what actually was, so after a few months, they broke it off. Now, that unfortunately meant that she felt extremely uncomfortable in the department, around both staff and students, so much so that she eventually quit her PhD from embarrassment and not being able to face the music. I'm not trying to bear down on you, just thought I'd give you an example of how this could potentially go wrong. Ultimately, I guess you have to do what you feel is right for you.

My institution also has a policy allowing staff-student relationships (as long as they are declared to ensure there is no conflict of interest).

Rogue is absolutely right to raise the status of your existing relationships. PhDs are funny things, not only do you have to adjust to the academic environment, but you meet people who are genuinely interested in what you're doing, and who you admire. And this can manifest into more complex emotions.

Lamp, cast the PhD concerns aside for the moment. Please take time to evaluate the state of your current relationship. Really think about whether it is right for you. More importantly, try and do this WITHOUT thinking of whether your soop is "the one". He has a partner too, and you absolutely cannot account for that relationship.

Yes, it is possible that you may genuinely love him. But it's also very easy to feel "starstruck" by those who are ahead of you in the game, and there's no mileage in it. Believe me, I know.

katq & SixKitten - hmmm.. I wonder why the unqualified and vague responses. Even katq's 'number 9' could be from one of two major world rankings (ie. THES or Shanghai), not to mention a number of other valid world rankings out there. What's wrong with simply handing over the name? This makes as much sense as both corinne and rosy who conveniently exited from the thread earlier (although corinne is still hanging around in spite of her confidently stated "I am out of this discussion" post a couple of pages ago)...

it seems the hot debate is kind of far away from the point

LOL!