My boyfriend was a complete arsehole when he was writing up.

I was a total harpie from hell.

We argued loads, and I considered dumping him as he would pick fights with me just to relieve the stress.. on the other hand, my libido (sorry if TMI) decreased to 0 so the physical as well as the emotional closeness was lost.

It was the toughest time for us.. and we've been together over 6 years, lived together for 4... Could I have coped with planning a wedding as well as writing up? NO WAY IN HELL... we would have split..

Thankfully neither of us want to get married and managed to stick it out through the tough times..

'It depends on whether bluetooth's partner has a phd and whether they are willing to give up/take time out of their postdoc or career.'

If they weren't willing to take time out of their career.. personally I wouldn't have kids with them as that's kinda like saying 'My career / Postdoc is more important than yours', surely?...

Having kids should be a compromise and I have sadly seen so, so many women being the ones to make ALL the sacrifices because they seem to want a child so much...

One of my friends accidentally got preggers in the 2nd year of her PhD... she decided to keep the kid.. she dropped out.. her boyfriend carried on with his..

Now they have split.. she is a single mother, no PhD... no job.. he's got his and has just been offered a Postdoc in Nueral Networks.. he doesn't even see the kid..

'And remember having kids is supposed to be a great experience, enjoy it! don't get so wound up about your career prospects that you miss out! '

Not everyone wants kids though... that's why I wrote in my post 'as I never want kids' ...

However, you're right about keeping good links with people and I don't think my friends Mother did this.. so it might be a very valuable thing for Bluetooth to look into.

My post might be 'bleak'.. but I don't think having kids and combining that with a career is all chocolate boxes, roses and smiley faces.. I think it's hard enough being a parent, let alone a parent who works *and* does the majority of child care (and let's be honest.. it's *usually* the woman who does more than 50%)...

Yes, it can work.. but it can,and probably will be very, very tough.. hence why maybe it's a good idea to have 'Bleak' Vs 'Positive' .. least she can see two sides of the coin and make her own educated decision

Out of interest.. why don't you.. when / if you have kids.. JUST take maternity leave and your partner can raise the children at home?

I did Computer Science and I'm a woman.. but probably on the other side of the fence to you as never want kids.. and if I did.. I would want the bloke to stay at home and raise them as I think it's a bit crap spending *so* much time and effort getting a PhD, just to drop out of the workforce for a few years.

My friends parents.. both have PhD's.. she was out of the workforce for 4 years before trying to come back.. what does she do now? Manager at Supermarket as no research lab would touch her as the research had moved on so much, so fast..

@Haircut...

Noo.. I was being sarcastic, sorry.. I went to Reading Uni, not TVU - I meant that whenever I said I went to Uni in Reading.. I got 'What? TVU?' I'm *pretty* sure TVU don't offer PhD's.. but I could be wrong

No.. you're right.. snobbery does exist.. but I do believe it is few and far between - If you go to a Redbrick, will you have a better chance of gaining employment? yes.. probably.. but to what extent? I wouldn't imagine much..

'Thames Valley University'

You mocking my Uni? All the people at Reading couldn't believe it when they turned it into a Uni.. now when I say 'I went to Uni in Reading, I get 'Ohhh TVU?''

Hah.. I'd have to disagree with you slightly I'm afraid BH.. Whilst some people employers do think redbrick - nonredbrick matters... a lot don't even know anything about the degree you studied.. so the Uni is even less of a bother.

I've been up against people from Oxford who didn't get through and in the same group were people from Swansea Institute.. employers seem to be much more focussed on goddamn A levels and the level of your batchelors than the Uni you went to..... Just my experience, anyway..

Whatever you do.. DON'T say you haven't managed to complete it because of job, family etc... I would imagine you'll get kicked out the door sooner than you can say 'MPhil' ... everyone part time has a job or other things to be getting on with and I would imagine the people would be very unsympathetic and it would be seen as you can't manage your time between all these responsibilities.

If you came at it.. 'My supervisor is crap'.. then it's not your fault and no matter how much time you had to devote to your PhD you couldn't continue it due to the poor supervision ... then they *might* be more sympathetic...

Be concious they might ask 'If your supervisor is that crap.. why has it taken you so long to notify us of this?'

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time.. I swear I didn't know any of these problems existed as my PhD was so easy compared to all this crap loads of you guys are going through.. however, this isn't a boast.. honest, as I've had morons in my life as well.

As hard as it is - I'd ignore what you read and just grit your teeth and get on with it. I had *so* many people tell me TO MY FACE I was dim.. stupid.. 'blondes with a big chest go into porn, they don't get PhD's...' 4 years later.. guess who has had the last laugh...

Yes, it was crap reading them and it was unprofessional for whoever to leave them on the desk - but it's done. If I were you I would never trust the lecturer who gave you the nasty comments, visualise them dying in many horrible ways in your head and think once you have your PhD.. you can stick two fingers up at them as you'll be equal to them

Depends on your beliefs and your feelings and how you think your family will cope without you. Personally, I would go to the conference - you showed how much you cared for her when she was alive and if you're not religious, then perhaps say a 'goodbye' in your head or alone when the funeral is happening.

I don't think you need to be in a particular place to say a goodbye... I'd suggest going to the conference as once you finish your PhD, get a job and are successful, you can support your family more and I think your Gran would be proud of you...

I don't really care about other PhD's - I don't mean that in a rude way.. but if other people did a PhD, good for them.. if they didn't... well, it's their life choice and I don't think any differently about them..

Hence why I don't think I've ever thought about a PhD in terms of a scientist.. I did computer science, but I don't think of myself as a scientist.. one of my mates did a PhD in Latin/ Classics.. I don't think of her as a scientist.. I think of her as someone who is crap when drinking more than 2 pints...!

Not all people are w**k**s - thankfully I never experienced any competition at all and all my fellow PhD friends in our office were always very lovely and helpful...

If they're not that helpful then sod them and find someone else - in some ways I would actually suggest you give your paper or chapter etc to someone *outside* your field... as your external examiner isn't necessarily going to be 100% into your research, thus if you can explain your ideas clearly to ANYONE.. you might find your writing style improves and you gain skills in other areas.

My 2nd supervisor wasn't in my area at all, yet he was the one who helped me edit my thesis.. it really helped having a new perspective on things as I had 'assumed' people knew what I meant when I really needed to explain myself.

Don't try and second guess it - my supervisor told me this along with ' once you have had a viva, you will never be the same again'... I still wonder if mine was real as it was so different to all the stories I heard...

I'd say get a good nights sleep and make sure you're confident on what your main contributions were.. anything else is up to your examiners...

Oh.. and be polite 'Whilst I can see your point, what I meant was...' and 'Yes, I can see why you might look at it that way, however I feel....'

As long as you can 'prove' your points.. I bet you'll be fine :)

Hey Hypothesis - Hrm.. I applied for a 'graduate' job, thus both BSc and PhD holders are 'graduates'... he applied for a programming job in a Semi Conductor Fab company which requires PhD holders due to the specialist nature of things.

Maybe I should have been more explicit in what I meant.. if you're looking for a 'graduate job' .. most grad jobs are only looking for a BSc or equivalent.. therefore if you're expecting special treatment due to getting a PhD.. forget it.

On the other hand, if the job advert *specifically* mentions 'PhD'.. then great - however when job hunting I found employers on the whole didn't care what you graduated from or the level of degree as long as it was 2:1 at Bachelors level or above..

Welcome to the real world people... .. I don't mean to be patronising, honest! However does having a PhD improve your salary unless your job requires a PhD? erm... nope. It makes no difference whatsoever.. the only good thing it does is sometimes give you an 'edge' on others.. and even then, it's not gauranteed.

My boyfriend needed his PhD for his job.. he started on 30K.. I didn't and applied for grad jobs with others who had just BScs... we all started on the same - £25K.. however they were all 21,22 and I was 25 when I started work...

I knew this was going to be the case so it didn't worry me too much - I always had personal reasons for doing my PhD and am very glad I did one.. however others seem to think it's some magical thing which will give you higher salaries or a better chance of getting a job.. sadly dudes.. that's not always the case!