Hi AL, nice to hear from you! Has been ages!! How's your work going?

Well, I did apply for the dream job, and altho my partner doesn't really want to live in that city, he would, for a few years. So, now we'll wait and see!! Have been busy doing job applications, including for non-academic jobs, to get out of the awful town I live in. But need to get back into the thesis and do a million references.

All the best to everyone!

PS Now I can say 'I'm finishing next month' - next month!! Woohooo!

We're all so close now! Counted up the days I have left too, and I submit in 53 days!! Hope your sup reads your chapter AQ, surely he will...

Oh yeh, a holiday! Am going to go to a resort in the tropics - lovely. OK, back to it..

Hey Matilda, congratulations!!! Fabulous news!! I've known other people who finished their thesis while pregnant, and it's seemed that their pregnancy has spurred them on to absolutely finish before the baby arrives. Wow, a doctorate, then a baby - what a time!! Am sure you'll get used to the idea of being pregnant, and once the initial excitement fades a little you'll be able to concentrate.

And as for your big meeting, maybe just flick thru the thesis again to refamiliarise yourself - it'll come back to you.

Good luck with both!

Hey AQ, glad you're feeling a bit better today. Some days are just horrors, when it's all too much, then we need to have a cry, pick ourselves up, and hope the next day's better. And how dare people have fun around you! ;-) Don't they know you're doing big, important work? Glad that the festival's finished tho and hope you can get back to work.

God, what a life, 'eh? Who'd choose this??

Am still dithering over applying for this job. Realised today that if I do apply, I'll need to tell my current employer, to avoid a conflict of interest. Hoh boy - burst into tears on my 3rd day there, took a week off, and now in my third week, I have to tell them that I'm applying for another job...honestly, this all just seems too hard at the moment....when does life get better for all of us???

Hey AQ, don't cry!! A big hug to you!!

Keep going, even if people don't seem interested - am sure they are, maybe they just have other things on their minds at the moment? You can't give up now, so keep going. And I know what you mean about feeling your writing is crap - I feel like that too - but the more we write, the better it gets. Are you settling into your new city? No wonder you're upset - you have a lot to deal with. Take it one day at a time, and celebrate the small achievements. Get a hug from your bf every day, keep going, and realise that you are making progress and this will end soon.

Don't worry about the future - something will show up. Thinking about what's next just drains our energy, and we need that to get through this torturous process.

Now I'm thinking that I must be mad to want to leave my partner and dog, who hasn't been so good lately...but I think we all drive ourselves a little mad. Well, I drive myself mad...

Things will start to turn upwards sometime AQ, just keep going! We're thinking of you...

======= Date Modified 31 Jul 2010 23:44:00 =======
Thanks Bilbo and AL! Was thinking I might have a day off now to celebrate a bit - but nope, job application and references await. Oh well.

Excellent you have a viva date AL - Dr AL is getting v. close!! And three weeks of madness - you can do it, and then will be done!! We won't know what to do with ourselves when we're finished!

Sorry to hear you've been having a bad time lately AL, with your friend's death and illnesses. Sudden death syndrome?? What on earth is that? Sounds v. scary!

Yeh, things are going ok. Am going to apply for this job, not confident I'll get it, as I think it'll attract researchers from all over the world. But at least if I don't get it, I'll know that I didn't get it because of my merits (or lack thereof), rather than my partner's reluctance to move.;-) I also have grave reservations about having to leave my poor, sweet dog with cancer for a little while, as my partner and I would have to be apart for a bit and the dog would stay with him, but I just have to apply for this...

Enjoy your break AL! And keep going!! Breathe, work solidly and don't panic, and you'll get there!!!

OMFG - I've emailed my thesis to my supervisors!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!

After the most horrible time lately, with endless, endless hours of working and the stress of the past months and my personal life falling apart lately - I've emailed it off!!! I know chapters will start coming back to me quickly for yet more rewrites, and I still have some referencing to do, but I've reached a milestone.

Am now going to apply for the dream job, and will see what happens. Thanks for the support everyone. Keep going - and let me know how you're getting on.

I'd do something fun if I wasn't so tired now!

Well done Chrisrolinski!!! Congratulations, that's fantastic, I'm so pleased for you. Now that you've done it, do you think it's all been worth it?

======= Date Modified 28 Jul 2010 12:27:49 =======

Hi Slowmo

Just had to say - not me. I do actually work for 10-12 hours a day, but not every day, more like every second day. On the alternate days I'll just do 6 or 7 hours. But during writing up, I have to do these long days, tomato after tomato, after tomato (www.mytomatoes.com), with a 5 minute break after every 25 minutes. I do these tomatoes in a chat room with other PhD students, and together we clock up hours and hours, and they go quickly, and we're productive. The fear of this going on forever, and the hatred of this lifestyle and the thesis propels me, I have to get this done to get it over with. The thesis needs a really big, sustained push to get it done.

And Peljam, I absolutely do have cabin fever. And stress. I have burst into tears every few days for the past few months. But I'm getting there, and am close to a complete draft. Maybe then I can relax a bit, and also reconnect with my partner, instead of just being the madwoman in the study...

======= Date Modified 24 Jul 2010 12:42:21 =======
Hi again

Yeh, it's difficult to know what to prioritise - being with the spouse or going for the perfect job. I've always been really career-driven, but I think at the moment it would be too hard to have a long-distance relationship. This PhD has been so incredibly long and difficult, and for the past few years I essentially haven't had a life outside of studying. So the idea of having to do a long-distance relationship just sounds like more of the same, isolating and continuing with a hard life. I want to relax for a bit, spend some time with my partner and any friends I might have left, and rebuild a normal life!

I'm only going to apply if I really am willing to move and live without my partner for a while. The application for the position and preparing for an interview would be a major, major, piece of work,  and I'm not going to go through that, maybe get offered the job, then decide it's not workable. I have another couple of weeks to get an application in, so will keep thinking. Let me know what you decide SD, am interested to see how you go.


And Baltar, am interested in your comments too. Is your partner ok with having to move to where jobs take you? Mine followed me to our current city, and now really doesn't want to move to the next one I'm proposing. He's also a bit resentful that I seem to be deciding on where we go next. And yep, we're also in a really good long-term relationship, have managed a long-distance relationship before, and but this doesn't make the situation any easier...Apologies for hijacking the thread...

Hi, I'm in the same situation, except that the job I want to go for would take me 15 hours drive away from my partner (or a 2 hour flight). I'm thinking the relationship is more important than the job, and I don't want to be unhappy living by myself, but with a good job. But for you, if you only have to live 2 hours away from your husband, I think that's doable. If your husband's in London and you're 4 hours away, that's still manageable, but all the travel would be tiring.

Maybe see if your employer would be open to letting you work one day a week from home, so then you could spend 3 days at home. If I were you, I'd go for it.

Hi Rubrik

I don't want to sound negative, and lots of people here do just treat their PhD as a job and have week-ends and a life, however that's not my experience. Doing a PhD, for me, has required lots of long hours and not much of a life. I have always worked every week-end, and most nights for the last few years. I might have two nights and a morning off a week. I have a full day off about once every two months. I hardly ever take holidays. This has been necessary for me to complete in 3.5 years, give lots of conference papers, and publish 5 articles, 2 of these being first authored.

Other people can undertake a PhD when they're not passionate about it, but I couldn't. Ultimately, I'm not sure if this is all worth it - I suspect not. If you don't want to work in academia, be very cautious about doing a PhD.

Hey AQ, no, my partner doesn't want to move to this city - it's one where we both grew up and couldn't wait to leave. I'd go back as the city has changed for the better, I still have old friends and family there, and then there'd be this perfect job. But he wouldn't have any of that...our plan was to both move to another big city where neither of us have lived, and both explore and carve out new lives...so, I just don't know.

You do sound like you're in culture shock, and your plan for going to France sounds good. And what an experience! As someone stuck in a regional town in Australia, I envy you!! Can you start to take French lessons? Even just one a week? That would help you a lot, and you'd meet some people and also not be just working all the time. And plan some time with your boy too...

But - light at the end of the tunnel!! You're so close!!

Hi AQ, and everyone

Well, things are a little better - and thank you all for your kind thoughts. We're upto day 4 of chemo - which is just me giving the dog a really toxic pill - and she's ok for the moment. She's also on painkillers and a bunch of stuff, and is actually happier than she has been for a while, which is great. I spent last week looking after her, lots of vet visits, and monitoring her, and she's managing ok.

Life is still full-on. Am plugging away still making revisions and have to get a complete draft in by the end of the month. And as I mentioned in another post, I've found the perfect job, in a city 1500kms away, so am deciding whether or not I'm willing to do the long-distance relationship thing again. What a choice - great job in far away city, or stay here and have a great relationship. Today the relationship is winning...

AQ, sounds like you have a lot on your plate! Don't freak out, just breathe, and keep working. Your sups must think you can get all the work done, otherwise they wouldn't have organised your viva date. And just think, a couple more months of this torture, then you'll be free!!!! Your living conditions don't sound ideal tho - can you move back to your country, or your home until you finish? You need to make things as easy as possible for yourself, which sounds like moving back. Then it wouldn't be long before you could move again to be with your bf, and you could start again and not have the thesis hanging over you....

Keep going everyone! We can do this together!!

Thanks for the replies, especially your long post, Teek. Peljam, no a job share wouldn't be ideal - I wouldn't earn enough to pay for commuting each week, setting up another place in a different city etc. I'd have to think about moving there permanently and visiting home occasionally.

And thanks Teek, yeh, I have given up so much to make this career change - and I'm not getting any younger and can't afford to pass up opportunities. Trouble is, my partner moved to the current city we're in a few years ago because I found a job here - and so it's definitely his turn to choose where we go next. But even if we moved, my partner would have to find a job in the new city before him and the dog could join me. Thank you for your thoughts - they've given me things to think about, especially the dog.

And yep, I have been pushing myself too hard, but I have to get this finished - a complete draft is due Friday, and I'm going to miss that deadline by weeks. Ah, it's doing my head in. Sorry to ramble so...and thanks again.