Thank you all very much for your elaborate, supportive and nice replies. I will try the tips! And it is just very nice to feel understood and heard.

One thing though, she actually IS my boss too. Officially I work as a scientific assistant under her, but am allowed to work on my PhD. But if she doesn't like my work, she can actually fire me, which leaves me without an income.

I have been reading other posts on this website, and saw the three months thesis mentioned a lot. I am tempted to try having him involved, e.g. having skype sessions as extra support. I feel like the one thing I really need is someone who is positive and makes me believe it will all work out and will not take years and years anymore. Also, I need something to kick me out of procrastination. Due to my lack of self confidence and motivation, I tend to do a lot of procrastination, about which I of course feel very guilty afterwards always. Has any of you got experience with the 3months thesis skype sessions?

Thanks again :) :)

My supervisor always puts me down. I try very hard not to let her have such a strong effect on me, but I fail. I am a person that needs positive energy and I keep being dissapointed / overwhelmed by her negative behaviour. Although I have been a succesful student since 2003, I find myself lacking any motivation or self-discipline.

She makes me feel very insecure, and I end up leaving her room exhausted and feeling horrible about myself and my work. But sometimes she is very friendly and relaxed, which makes me feel bad about myself thinking mean things about her.
Recently I told her I would like her to be more involved in my work, and that I appreciated her giving me deadlines, but that these deadlines should be 'positive deadlines', e.g. including positive feedback etc. She looked at me with a smirk on her face and said: "What do you mean, positive? Do you want me to give you candy once you finished something?" I did not know what to say to this, and end up leaving her room feeling totally stupid and belittled. I find myself in such situations with her constantly. Sometimes she tells me very personal things, but the next day she is bitching around. Her motto: 'fake it till you make it'. That does not work for me: I am a perfectionist and an honest person. Basically, I am already quite harsh on myself, so I do not need her to do that even more.

Blocking her out leaves me even more isolated and lonely with my PhD. I have tried getting other professors involved, but find myself lacking the confidence to clearly explain my ideas. I feel completely incompetent for doing a PhD. Some of the Profs I did ask did not want to get involved, because they don’t like my supervisor.

How do I keep myself motivated? And how should I deal with my supervisor?

Any help is very much appreciated.

Dear all,
My current supervisor and I do not get along at all. She is a clear invalidator type of person and I feel less and less confident about my work. She never gives advice, always blames me or makes me feel insecure. She only gives me deadlines, but no input or help. I have come to the conclusion that I should change supervisors for my own mental health.. but how?

I have managed to get several grants for my work and collected CT scans using these grants. The positive thing, is that these scans are portable... e.g. easy to take with me when I leave. However, I do not know how it works with the rights to this material, since my supervisor as well as the University were mentioned in this grant proposal.

Also, I bought with my grant a laptop and a software license using University discount (which basically makes it University property). I am paid via an official contract with a separate research institution, but I am registered as a PhD student with the local University.

I would like to leave the University, leave my contract, and find another supervisor at another university. But can I then take my laptop, software and scans with me? I paid for this all with money that I got via grants on my name. But of course during the last two years I have been paid by the research institute, and was "supervised" by my professor. Do they have legal ownership of my research materials?

Help please!

All best,
Yannah