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Giving Up My PhD

F

I am almost two years into my PhD in Sociology & Communications and over the past couple of months have been hit hard by some form of writer's block. It's not necessarily that I can't write anything, it's just that everything I do write makes little or no sense. I seem to have lost the ability to write precisely and am therefore getting nowhere fast with writing my chapters and have fallen behind all my deadlines that I set. I'm not sure whether it is because I am suddenly panicking about writing up the first draft of my thesis or whether I have just had enough of academia now. Every day when I go to work on my thesis I feel is wasted as I am making no progress. I am also extremely worried about my lack of employability from staying in academia for so long. Unlike the majority of PhD students, I don't want to go into teaching or have an academic career. I am 24 now and will be 25/26 at least by the time I've finished with no work experience other than the part time job I've had since I was 17 as a sales assistant (something I don't think many employers will be ecstatic about).

The thought of walking away from this PhD makes me feel very heart broken. I do love my subject and am passionate about my research topic but the whole process seems very lonely and futile at present. I fear that, if I continue, I will end up wasting a lot of my life and may not even pass my viva at the end. But if I leave, I fear that I will forever regret walking away from something I desperately wanted to achieve.

If anyone is feeling like this now or has been in this position before I would really appreciate any advice or insight.

Thank you!

E

Hi Anz07 - from what you have described you are in a similar position to me a year ago!
I am hoping to submit in October this year and will be 26 by the time it is all finished - and the only job I have had was working part-time in a cinema 3 years ago.

I know its hard - and the decision has to come from you ultimately, but I would suggest that you try to stick it out. It might feel like everything you write is rubbish and that you are getting nowhere but I'm pretty sure most PhD students feel like this and have a crisis (or two) at some point over the few years. Something that I put off for a long time was sitting down and writing my introduction - it doesnt have to be perfect or finished, but maybe have a go at actually writing what your thesis is, what areas it will look at, what research you have done, your methodology etc.

As far as employability - this is something I worry about too, but quiting your phd before you have even gotten to the viva will not make you more employable. And if you are funded (you didnt mention if you were or not) there is no way you should give that up, especially if you do not have a job lined up. You say you are still passionate about your subject - you are just going through a bad spell, if you love your subject the writing will hopefully come in the end. Maybe chat with a supervisor or another student about how rough you are finding the writing - maybe take a break from writing if it is not happening and read some books/articles. I know when I was feeling very unproductive and guilty about not doing work I could pick up a book and take notes. Its not as taxing as writing but you still know that at least you are doing some form of work.
Hope this helps in some way. Good luck.

T

Hi Anz07.

Could I suggest taking a 1 - 2 week long break? Maybe you're just exhausted? Exercising could help as well; doing cardio refreshes my mind and gives me some new ideas as well :D

How about your supervisor; have you talked to them about this? Are they approachable?

S

I would agree that taking a break might be a good idea - a proper week or so off where you don't even think about your PhD. I think you probably also need to change the way you write. For example, if you normally start with a blank page in front of you and find that intimidating, try making a mind map first of the important things you need to include. Or start writing in bullets, and then gradually flesh them out into sentences and paragraphs, stopping before you hit the waffle stage! And don't beat yourself up about it, everyone needs some writing help somewhere along the way. It's perfectly normal to have a phase where you don't feel like you're achieving anything, but it will pass eventually!

And one more thing - you won't be too old! This year, I finished my PhD and got my first ever 'proper' job at the grand old age of 29 :-)

H

Hi

Maybe take the pressure off yourself a little bit? Try not to think about the 'whole' thesis. As my supervisor said it's easy to get overwhelmed when you think of the PhD as a whole - as he (quite accurately I think) said a PhD is an accumulation of lots of smaller tasks put together to form a whole at the end. As suggested, I'd take a break. Giving up is a big decision to make, and not one to be taken lightly. Chill out for a week and don't think about it - just do things that make you feel relaxed and happy, and then maybe you'll get a bit more perspective around what it is you want to do. I also find making lists of pro's and con's very helpful too.

I know personally I can't write very well when I'm really stressed. One thing I have started to do which helps is to map out my week into tasks to achieve that week. I print this off with a tick box next to each task and tick them off as I complete them. That way I don't have to worry about the project as a whole, but break it down into component parts. I'd also maybe suggest having a word with your supervisor, or even dropping an email letting them know how you're feeling at the moment - you will probably find they aren't aware of this, and may offer you some guidance. I recently was in this position and a coffee and chat about how I was feeling and getting some support and perspective did the world of good.

I hope you manage to resolve this!

Heather :)

F

Thank you everyone for you invaluable advice. You'll be pleased to hear that two months on from this post I am still doing my PhD and decided to keep at it. I still get the odd week where I feel like everything I have written is useless but I'm going to keep soldiering on. Thank you again! :)

A

Hi,

I am so glad to hear that you decided to keep going with you PhD! I know that there are times when you just want to give up everything and go and get a job, because all your classmates are already managers and make a lot of money. I know this feeling well, because I was like that myself when I tried to balance between school and works and ended up with a nervous breakdown. Just concentrate on school and never give up. PhD is a really great experience and it will give you a lot more than you think.
Keep us posted :)

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