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total desperation part 2

C

Suddenly what I produce is not enough, not good enough, and I realize that his comments come from my previous s. People in the dept are very nice, appreciative and supportive, but they are not in my field.
I tried to have an open discussion with him, but with zero results. He takes over a month to correct my papers and then does not discuss things directly, just send me the corrections via internal mail! I am in the 2nd year of my PhD and I don't really know how to cope for the time ahead. My former s. is very powerful and if I complain the consequences could be dramatic not only for my studies, but also for my future career. I need a kind word before I sink in my own tears...

C

I apologize again. I didn't want to start two threads...I am so desperate that I cannot think straight!

S

You must go to someone - do you have a board of graduate studies or graduate tutor? I understand what you say about your s being powerful - but the consequences of complaining can hardly be worse if the alternative is dropping out or failing.

Have you been frank about your worries to your new supervisor? Surely it is actually possible to have a new external supervisor - or is your current s afraid to rock the boat?

C

Hi Smilodon, things are not so easy. My former s. was the best person to supervise me when I started, although our areas of interest coincide only for broad lines. When this person left, my new s. took over, but he's not really an exepert in the subject. Moreover is a very weak character, which explain a lot about his attitude. There is no other choice here. I should change Uni, but for family reasons this is not an option. Also I got funding here and I worked so hard to get it... Also I don't see how to speak with the HoD or HoS would help. If anything it would probably alienate my current s. further. The only thing that I can think about of is to keep as far as possible from them both, but of course this is far from being a good option...

S

Then you will have to make the best of the situation and take as much control as you can. I am in a somewhat similar position, although my s is not unpleasant just absent/unavailbale (and not really in my field), and have had to make my peace with that. It has helped me to get some advice from other researchers in similar fields.

C

Yes, this is what I am trying to do. It is difficult to keep motivated though. Also this attitude is so unfair and unreasonable...but you are right, there isn't very much else that I can do about it. Thank you for your suggestions.

S

Not much of a suggestion really - but I got VERY upset and demotivated with this kind of situation and also felt that there was basically nothing I could do but keep going or drop out. But at least my supervisor is basically sort of supportive and not unpleasant to deal with - I really don't know if I could have coped with that as well. I can see it muct be very demoralising. Getting some second and third inputs and opinions will help you to get some confidence back and steer an independent course.

S

Dear Corinne, I know how you feel. I am also in my second year, and behind with everything . My DOS has been promoted, and his now deputy head of a department, which has NOTHING to do with my PhD research. I have complained about the lack of constructive support, but the graduate school has closed ranks on me, so I would advise you to work around your situation - and find another way to get the help that you need, without a direct complaint or confrontation. There is always another way

S

I was very low last week and a friend of mine suggested that I try to think of three different things each day that I am grateful for, and write them in a diary. I think its a technique from Weight Watchers, but it really helps to force you to think of something positive and not to focus on all the things that are going wrong / unsatisfactory. It can be anything at all - I am grateful today that the sun is shining. Give it a go.

F

Corinne,
Like you and many others, I have also had a similar journey. My s is also not in my field, doesn't really have a a clue as regards my theories but plays the power and control game all the time. Essentially, supervisors are insecure because they are not the expert in your topic (you are!), yet they are supposed to be in charge and the Department holds them responsible for your success. So they cannot be human and show their weakness but, for the sake of appearances, play cool and distant. At the same time, academia is (let's face it) a bit of a flawed system. They are obsessed with publications, status, and how often they are cited on scholar google. That is all they have. Supervising students is a necessary evil that is only interesting if students produce papers (which they can co-author). (cont)

F

(cont)
Long sermon short: My personal experience is that the best way to enjoy the PhD is to believe in YOUR idea, YOUR Methodology, YOUR results. Focus and enjoy the process, rather than worry about outcome. Anxiety only paralyses. Fear of failure inhibits your creativity and ultimately your success. It is very difficult not to fear other peoples' verdict (supervisors, reviewers, family) but remember that the ultimate truth is subjective. Good projects are convincing in themselves. They do not require approval from anyone. And any other university will be interested in it too if all fails. Do not make yourself a slave of other's game.

Keep up the spirit!
Cornelia

B

I just posted on your other thread, but agree wholeheartedly with what Fumbi / Cornelia says on this one.

C

Thanks so much to all of you! Cornelia, what you say is so true! When I am away doing fieldwork I realize that I am stupid to let these things to take over, but when I am back after a while the same perverse game start again. I am convinced of the value of what I am doing and I know deep down that I can make it. Nothing as really changed from my Masters and I made it then, I can make it again. The point is that I don't want to struggle all the way through - it's very tiring!- and most importantly, I am more concerned about the afterwards. Academia, especially in my field, is a very small environment and if you have a person like my s. against, you can forget to do anything. cont -

C

Thanks also to you Susieb. You are right, there are so many people who struggle to survive that we should be grateful for what we have. I think that it's a great privilege to have the possibility to do research in an area that you like and where you feel you can make a difference. I will be researching abroad for a while, so I trust that the forthcoming months will change my perception of things.
I certainly need to re-assess my current values. I always thought that if you work hard enough - also at building up relationships- you get results sooner or later, but now I am not anymore sure.
Your messages are of much support, so thank you all. I printed them out and keep them in front of me on the desk for an instant injection of positivity!!

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