I got married about 3 months into my phd. It worked well because I told the institute that it was planned and that I'd be taking a month off if they wanted me to start before the nuptials. If I'd left it til later years I don't think I could have taken time out like that (nor had time to plan it!).
It is an interesting question, for me too as I am still single. :)). In my view, when getting married really depends on you and your partner. If he/she understands how hard it would be after marriage especially with a person doing PhD during this time. If your partner is 'ready' to help and share hardships with you in your PhD journey, it is great to get married in the first year of your PhD. As it means your difficulties will be shared. If your marriage would make you happier thereby you have more energy to study, then marriage is a very good choice. In our PhD time, there are lots of time, we are very lonely and tired. There are lots of moments, we just want to give up everything. At these times, we need someone understands and be willing to share with us. By contrast, if marriage makes you more tired beacause of responsbility and housework, then you should delay it.
My thinking is, it is better to talk with your partner whether he/she is ready to endure PhD journey with you. Does he/she commit to such a long and an eventful path with you? Talk clearly your thinking, plans and what you expect from him/her. Then go to the final decision.
Good luck and have a sound choice (up)
I married my husband shortly before starting my first (full-time) PhD. He was going on to study a Masters at another (not too far away) university, so had to stay away during the week for a year. But we managed just fine. And we wanted to get married ASAP, rather than wait for a never-would-really-be better time. Oh and BTW we eloped, very romantic, and cut out an awful lot of hassle :p
my boyfriend specifically waited until after I had finished before he proposed to me :-) - we talked about marriage near the beginning of our relationship (which was also near the beginning of my PhD) and apparently I had said I thought it would be hell to organise a wedding whilst doing a PhD!!! I really don't remember saying this- though I can imagine that it would be true! esp if you leave it till you are in 3rd/ 4th year! not least because of time, money and enthusiasm! I just put my PhD before everything (partly because I was determined to finish in 3yrs).. I also think that he wanted to make sure I would go back to being 'normal and happy' once I had finished... not sure that has actually happened!! but still... we get married later this year (up)
I got married in my 2nd year after we had been together for 7 years. I think it really depends on what kind of girl/woman you are and what kind of wedding you want. If you have dreamt about it since a child, then I would wait - you will become wrapped up in colour schemes, favours and choices of vase, napkin, table runners, chair covers etc. I've seen people doing PhDs who get like this and they literally spend all day everyday on the internet researching different things for the wedding, it becomes obsessive.
If you just want to get married and have a small celebration of the fact then go ahead!
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How exciting!! And I don't think it matters, just do it when you're good and ready!! Btw, I do feel for your bf. Trying to get a ring out of my bf is like trying to get blood from a stone. I've been with him since HIS first year PhD which was my first year of undergrad (nearly 6 years), and STILL not even a HINT of a proposal. Pretty soon I envisage myself sining that Beyonce song to him...
Thanks everyone, I think it's like that we will get married next year, during the 1st year of my PhD. I think the sooner the better would be best for us, I don't want to be planning a wedding for years and years!
I am worried that I will get a bit addicted to planning a wedding though, like Sneaks said, but I just don't want to wait another three years! I am 100% committed to my studies, I always have been, but just this once I don't want work to take over my life- I want to get married and I don't want the fact that I'm doing a PhD to stop that happening!
I'd like to get married perhaps around March next year, so still early into the PhD. What do you actually do in your first year of PhD anyway? Am I on the right lines thinking that it's lots of reading and finalising research questions?
Along the right lines of thinking on the PhD - reading, research questions, depends on your field, but maybe writing the lit review and collecting data.
In terms of wedding planning, well that's another story. YOu have to do things like book the venue ASAP, the dress has to be ordered 6 months beforehand at the latest. There is lots to do - see www.youandyourwedding.co.uk although it is addictive.
Thanks Sneaks, I'm already addicted to youandyourwedding.co.uk, so much so that I've had to ask my boyfriend to put a block on it and password protect it, so I can actually do my work today! Did you have a big wedding? How did you manage organising your wedding whilst doing your PhD? Sorry about all the questions!
I had an averaged sized wedding - about 60 guests in the daytime and 90 in the evening. I made it not impact too much on my PhD by planning everything very early on. We had booked a venue, caterers, sorted out entertainment very early on, like a year in advance and that meant I just had to chase those people up nearer the time. I also hate a lot of traditional wedding stuff, so didn't have bridesmaids - I just bought new, but not matching (urgh) dresses for my sister in laws the week before the big day. I was lucky in that my family is musical so all the entertainment was pretty easy to sort. I also avoided 'traditional' table layouts, line ups etc. so there was less stressing about where to put people. I also had a civil ceremony in the same venue as the reception, so didn't need cars etc so saved money there. I did all the planning with my husband so we didn't have best man/MOH to consult or ask to do stuff, which meant there was no chasing.
I think it cost about £11k in the end - but most of that went on the venue, the food and my dress (so I'm glad!). and our honeymoon cost £8k :$ if I could do it all again I would probably skimp on the food and spend more on the honeymoon - it was amazing! and its so much more satisfying spending all your cash on a long amazing holiday than 4 hours on a saturday afternoon.
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