Completely off topic... I was away for the weekend and when I came back I found out that one of my flatmates let a friend of hers sleep in my room. She never said anything to me about it, didn't send a txt, or an email asking me whether it was ok. When I got home in the evening my bed cover was on the floor, along with my pjs and there is a weird looking stain on my pillowcase. Obviously she didn't think about trying to make it seem it never happened. I'm quite pissed off about the whole thing, but when I confronted her, she didn't see what my problem was. Am I over-reacting? I just don't want a stranger I never met potentially going through my private things.

No, you're not over-reacting - I would be so pissed off. Usually if my flatmate has someone staying while I'm away then she sleeps in my bed, and the person staying over sleeps in my flatmate's bed, always with the condition that I agreed to it in advance and that the bed linen is changed the next morning.

No I totally agree that is not on! I can't believe your flatmate thinks that is ok! You're definitely not over-reacting. I think it's a horrible thought to have somebody potentially go through your private things! As to your bedding etc... that is a terrible thing to come home to like somebody violating your space! Your flatmate could at least have had the decency to clean up afterwards.

Hi SBCC, no you are not over-reacting - your flatmate has taken a great whopping liberty. How horrible to have someone you don't know sleeping in your bed, to leave it in a right mess and then have them act as if they have the right to do so. I would be having a screaming abdab by now, but then I have had my own flat for 6 years and am very territorial.

Thanks guys! The situation got even worse now. My flatmate who put her friend into my room is now in a complete sulky mood and thinks that I'm a complete prick for telling her that I don't appreciate her using my room as her guestroom...

Then your flatmate needs to grow up and understand she's the one with the problem and not you! I can't believe the cheek of it!

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She was in the wrong, no doubt about it. However, this is going one way only if she's reacted that way rather than apologise.

Have you alternative accomodation lined up? There is not an easy way out of this.

I did think diplomatic apology on your behalf, however, that would give her the upper hand and her thinking she could do anything she liked. You might still do that to buy time to find somewhere new.

Hi Mackem_Beefy, fortunately I don't have to think about moving out. We have another 2 flatmates (one of them is the actual landlady) and they both agree that she is in the wrong. They weren't in in the evening and did not realise that my room was used until the morning. The landlady/flatmate did tell her that this was not on, but apparently she said to her that she's sure I'll be fine with it. Well, I was not...

I don't think what she did was so bad per se, but as soon as she realised you were annoyed about it she should have apologised and tried to make it up to you instead of sulking and making you feel even worse. I would be a bit miffed about the bed cover not being put back but wouldn't really mind a friend of a housemate using my bed (would prefer them asking though).

Anyway if you want a worse story when I was an undergraduate two of my friends had sex in my bed while I was away. I was pretty peed off at the time but am still good friends with both of them, and we can laugh about it now!

I think my main problem with her just 'invading' my personal space was that we are not actually friends, whereas I'm with the other two flatmates. We get on ok, but not to the extent that she could take such liberties over my room. If it was any of the other two flatmates I would have just said, yeah, fine, but next time ask me first (though I'm actually sure that they would ask me first).