If you miss a deadline due to some personal crisis, do you make your excuses to your supervisor to explain why you couldn't hand your work in on time?

My supervisor has made it very clear from the offset that he is willing to provide support on anything to do with my thesis, but he cannot give me any non-academic support. I can totally understand why he would want/need to do this, so I'm fine with keeping personal matters to myself.

But the problem arises when my personal life affects my ability to get my PhD work done. To some degree the work-life problems are co-dependent, and I'm losing the ability to see where the boundary is between them.

I feel like I need to give a good explanation of why I haven't been able to meet the deadline, which has happened a few times now, but I'm embarrassed to tell him the real reason why, and I think he doesn't want to know about it anyway. The reason why I feel like I should explain is because I worry that it appears rude or disrespectful not to do so, and also because I feel I should defend myself a little since the circumstances that result in my incompetency aren't entirely under my control.

Should I just submit the work with a 'Sorry this is late' and leave it at that, unless he enquires further?


Where do you draw the line with personal involvement with your supervisor?

======= Date Modified 10 Apr 2010 13:32:18 =======
Hey! It's quite a tough job knowing where to draw the line here. I have had quite severe health problems in the past (bipooar) which my supervisor is aware of, and when I started my PhD she asked me to always be upfront with her and let her know if I am starting to have any problems. I did get quite ill about a year ago and it was quite obvious to everybody that I wasn't well. She called me in to talk about it and it was a bit strange. She's a qualified clinical psychologist (I'm in a psych department) so it felt a bit weird, almost like she was playing the psychologist role with me. To be honest, in the end it got a bit uncomfortable I think for both of us, and I have tended to keep a bit more distance between us now if it's something to do with my health, although I still fill her in if I'm not feeling so good so she knows where I'm up to. In your situation I think it's probably important to make the point that there is a specific reason that you have been unable to make the deadline, but maybe not divulge all the details. At the end of the day, you're not actually asking for non-academic support, you just want him to appreciate that you have a lot on your plate or whatever, so I don't think there's any harm in maybe giving him a brief outline of what the issue is, or just to say that you are dealing with some personal circumstances right now that are affecting your work. Good luck with it! Best, KB

Hi Badgerspy, your personal life is none of your supervisors business, but when ever it starts to affect your work it does become their business. I think you should tell him because if you dont he might think you are just lazy, which will affect your working relationship, and at the end of the day he will be the one writing your references. I would just be honest and tell him it was late because you are having a few personal problems which is affecting your work. You can tell him the details of it if he asks and if you want him to know. He might not give you the non-academic support, but at least he will be aware of the situation. It's always best to be honest.

Good Luck:-)

I agree, I think a note to say that the lateness is due to some personal circumstances that you are working your way through - perhaps it might be a good idea to indicate how long you think that might take, just so they know what to expect- and leave it at that. If they want more info they will ask for it. Do you not have a non-academic person/ supervisor assigned to you? We all have one here, although I've only met mine once and that was because we were unexpectedly grouped together at a session at the university, but at least I know someone is there if I need them.

hi Badgerspy
From your post, it reads like you would feel a lot better if you had a chance to explain yourself to your supervisor.
But if he has made it clear that he cannot give you any non-academic support, perhaps it is better that you spare him the details.

However you are not a robot--and everybody has personal matters! :-)
I think its ok to just submit your work with a Sorry this is late, and perhaps add that you had some personal matters to deal with. No need to elaborate.

love satchi

Hi Badger,

I agree with Joyce- I think saying that you are dealing with some difficult circumstances in your personal life and that thinking sensibly you will need X amount of time to complete the work, will be enough. This is what I've done in the past and it was fine.

All the best.

I think it depends what the issue is - bereavement, illness (yours or close family member (if serious)) etc I think fine but squabbles with boyfriends or problems with landlords not so sure. I always ask my undergrad students who come with requests for extensions due to "personal problmes" to think about whether they are serious enough that your employer would give you time off to work them through (unpaid if necessary) or make allowances for them - if so then fine, if not then they are not really relevant. I will give guidance where they ask for it but there is no room in my workload to listen to them moaning about breaking up with their boyfriend for the nth time this term.

But I do find that the students with the most serious problems often just keep going and sometimes I wish I knew what they were going through so I coudl help (even if it is only tea and biscuits or the occassionally soft extension)

(Does this make me sound like a total Bitch? If so it is probably a product of working in industry for 16 years where personal problmes were just not relevant (to the point that when I was in hospital having surgery following a miscarriage other staff were told I had a virus and when I came back they were telling me that they had had it too but were off for less time))