Ok, I know, I know it sounds really trite and obvious- but I am desperate for some advice. I just don't know what to do... I started my phd in oct and at first I thought my supervisor was a nice guy (professionally speaking of course) but the more time I spend with him the more I enjoy his company and to cut a long story short... I think I really really like him! he is pretty hot! gosh, it is just so liberating to type this out! I have told NO-ONE! the problem is this: I don't want anything to happen - he is much older and married (and I am sure he doesn't feel the same anyway, he gives no indication that he feels anything execpt a professional concern for my welfare etc) but I just cannot concentrate on my work- I keep making excuses to walk past his office and be in the corridor by the printer!! how childish! And when we have meetings I get tongue tied and am unable to come up with inteligent input - he must think I am an idiot! so, how to deal with unrequited feelings? how to put the butterflies in my stomach and the whirling in my head out of my mind so that I can get on with my bloody PhD!?
any advice, v greatfully received x :$
first things first, admit that nothing will ever happen, as you say he is married, not interested, wouldn't do it anyway because of his career.
secondly, I am sure the feelings will go if you miss a deadline or something and he goes mental.
Try to imagine him doing something really gross, like picking his nose and eating it and you will be off him in no time!
Confession: I fancied my supervisor when I first started. Situation was not helped by the fact I'm 22 and he's only about 30. I got over it pretty quickly though and it doesn't even pass my mind now. Don't make excuses to go past his office and try to act professional around him. Sorry if I sound harsh but I'm sure you'll get over it soon. Meet a boy at a conference and snog him instead, much more professional :-);-)
much that I hate to agree with Clogs, he is right. As a married person and sticking up for my married peeps, I say stay well clear! I would however, not run in to clogs' arms as he is a freak (he has such a high IQ). I would suggest falling in love with someone else - Mr Darcy for instance.
I agree with Cleverclogs and Sneaks. He's married... he's your supervisor... and you admit nothing will/can happen.
It's possible you're feeling this way because he's in a position of power. Perhaps you're mistaking your feelings for admiration and respect?
For starters I'd suggest you stop trying to find opportunity to bump into him. This will only make matters worse for you... especially if he starts to notice.
Also, focus on keeping your relationship purely professional. When you meet with him only talk PhD.
If things don't get better, and you find your feelings growing I'd suggest thinking about changing to a new supervisor.
thank you for your help - but also for not ridicuouling (sp!) me!! I have kept this bottled up for so long, just to 'talk' aboutit has helped a lot! perhaps i will meet someone else - he certainly is out of bounds for me. I am just so angry that Ifeel this way! roll on next conference ;-)
Clogs - are you single?:-x;-)
Phdsmug, don't do it - clogs is a scarey person with a ridiculously high IQ and most certainly wouldn't dream of doing anything immoral like kissing you before you're engaged!
Seriously though - stay clear - I'm sure its a power thing (like my thing for Simon Cowell) - try to avoid him if anything unless in a purely professional situation - he's married, don't even dream of wrecking his home and his career.
I don't think it's ridiculous at all. But try to imagine what it would be like if he actually made a pass at you - in reality you'd probably feel hideously embarrassed and awkward and you would never be able to have a normal professional relationship with him ever again. So the best thing is avoid being in that position at all.
I always fancy lecturers and supervisors at first. I even secretley fancied my undergrad DoS and he was gay. In my case, these are just student crushes and they never last. Since it sounds like you know it's just a crush, I am sure that it will pass. Probably when he starts getting on your case about deadlines and work-loads. Suddenly that power binary becomes more irritating than anything else. M,x.
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