======= Date Modified 08 Dec 2009 13:34:03 =======
I'm going through exactly the same thing. For me, I can't stand the thought of going into the building where he is though. It makes me feel sooo uncomfortable, because just like you, I also get tongue-tied and say the most stupid things, and I can't bear the pain and embarrasment of it all - so I just try and avoid him altogether. The thing is - it is damaging my work a bit. Can you imagine!? If I can't even bear to accidently bump into the guy, how the hell am I going to cope in his company for a whole hour in a meeting. He's also (obviously!) very intelligent - and the other students find this a bit intimidating. But for me, I saw this as a challenge. But I'm not anywhere near his academic status, so how retarded am I?? I even get worried about emailing him!!!
So, Phd_Smug, you're not alone.
But then again, perhaps it's not 'fancying him' that I'm feeling. Is it possible to admire someone so much? So much that you can't bear to be in their company? Has anyone else googled their supervisor's name?
I've just read what you said again sue, and I think you're right about the friendship thing too. When I have met up with the supervisor, I have tried to be friendly too, and although they are friendly back, there does seem to be a bit of a barrier. I don't know, before I started the course I thought that over time you kind of establish a sort of friendship where you can talk to them like you would with your other friends, but with the added bonus of being able to talk about the work, as it's almost impossible to talk about the work with other friends because they just don't get it. But you're right, it doesn't happen. (I can't speak for others on here though - perhaps others have been able to have friendships with their sups aswell as a professional relationship.)
In past semi-professional jobs, I've been able to be friends with the managers, etc, and talk about things that you would with friends -so why not with the sup? The department even tries to arrange non-work related social events, as if they are trying to encourage a more laid-back atmosphere.
Then again, I've seen in the other threads that having more than a professional relationship with academic staff can cause quite serious problems, so it's probably best to steer clear!
It's all a learning curve I suppose!
My old, rubbish, supervisor was very pally with me at first, inviting me round for dinner with the partner, cosy chats and all sorts, and she turned out to have serious issues with boundaries which made working with her impossible. My shiney new supervisor, who is fantastic and with whom my work has come on in leaps and bounds keeps me at arms length. I really think the dynamic of the PhD - supervisor relationship cannot sustain a friendship, it's not equal: the supervisor has to be able to give intensive criticism with no danger of it seeming personal, and the PhD stude must have enough distance from the sup to be able to see it that way. Maybe a friendship could come afterwards, but not during, IMO, maybe others will tell you different.
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