that disgust of opening the thesis document
So, after my R&R, I received the list of corrections... a long list that came to me by post, and it was a psychological torture to read it... (it involved lots of crying).
Several days passed and I re-accessed the letter / list of corrections. I was slightly 'cooler' and I started writing down what they want me to do and how...
Then, last week, I had the first meeting with my supervisor, to discuss the list of corrections and she has allocated me some tasks for the next time I see her (in late March). She reassures me that as long as I do what my examiners want me to do, my resubmission will be successful.
Problem is...
I can hardly open the document of the thesis.
It is not procrastination! It is a mixture of terror, sadness, disgust, something telling me that I never ever want to see this thesis ever again...
I tried reading it a couple of times and both times I felt physically ill due to psychological stress... I felt light-headed... I felt like crying, I started crying and I had to stop reading.
It may simple mean that I am not ready yet to face the thesis... (3 months post first viva and one year before my resubmission deadline)... I don't know what to do. Any advice appreciated.
Talk to your supervisor. You need to tell her how you are feeling. Can you do the tasks she has set you without opening the document? Your sup has given you some great feedback so you should feel bolstered by that.
It's tricky because you won't be rid of this thesis until you do them, so can you take a few deep breaths and read it, one line at a time? Tackle it one issue at a time. The sooner you can get it done, the sooner you can get rid of it!
My sympathies, I really feel for you. I received minor corrections, not a R&R but some of my 'minor' corrections are tricky and I totally, fully, completely 'get' you when you say that you can hardly open your thesis document. Might it help psychologically to remove the beginning bit or at least not look at the title page etc and just try to focus on it as a word doc. It is really hard (and you know this) but the more you get back into it, the sooner you will be finished.
What I did was re-save the word doc and re-named it 'resubmission doc' and I work off that; somehow it helps a bit. At the moment I am tweaking a few things and restructuring my chapter layouts and so I am not rewriting anything. Therefore although I am working on it I am not reading it - that can wait! However it does help as a means of getting back into it.
Best of luck with it (up)
Marasp, I know. I emphasise fully. I spent a year writing my resubmission too. And looking back, it more or less is a blur, and I cannot believe I got through. But I did, and so will you.
I agree - make a separate document. I did that too, and it helped as I was not re-visiting but doing something 'new'.
Also, break down the list of corrections into as much as bullet-point format as possible and keep this with you. It becomes a 'to do' list, and very achievable. Once all are crossed off then it is done. Think in this way rather than on a time-scale.
Remember, you have got through. The viva was a huge milestone. Everyone has corrections, just different extents and it is impossible to compare as no two PhDs are the same.
For now, keep reminding yourself that with every day and every correction ticked, you are going forwards and closer to finalising PhD.
Also strictly stick with the examiner's directives. This is what they will be checking. I just submitted my R&R and included a cover letter going through each point and saying how and where I have addressed them.
You've got this far and though it does not feel like it right now, you are actually very close to the finishing line! Good luck!!
Marasp, I know. I emphasise fully. I spent a year writing my resubmission too. And looking back, it more or less is a blur, and I cannot believe I got through. But I did, and so will you.
I agree - make a separate document. I did that too, and it helped as I was not re-visiting but doing something 'new'.
Also, break down the list of corrections into as much as bullet-point format as possible and keep this with you. It becomes a 'to do' list, and very achievable. Once all are crossed off then it is done. Think in this way rather than on a time-scale.
Remember, you have got through. The viva was a huge milestone. Everyone has corrections, just different extents and it is impossible to compare as no two PhDs are the same.
For now, keep reminding yourself that with every day and every correction ticked, you are going forwards and closer to finalising PhD.
Also strictly stick with the examiner's directives. This is what they will be checking. I just submitted my R&R and included a cover letter going through each point and saying how and where I have addressed them.
You've got this far and though it does not feel like it right now, you are actually very close to the finishing line! Good luck!!
I love this post! Thanks for posting!
Marasp, as you know, I'm also trying to clear the R&R hurdle. I can tell you that I'm not finding this easy at all and can really relate to what you're going through (ie tears and disgust at looking at my thesis).
I need to have a polished PhD draft by July for my supervisors approval ready for submission in August, so I'm really feeling the pressure right now.
This is how I'm tackling the R&R....
a) I ended up starting again with a brand new document. My submitted PhD was just bringing up too much stress and share pain/disgust/shame on my submitted document so I've started a brand new document. Instead of titling my report as 'resubmission' I've titled it as 'PhD date xxxx, time (so I have a copy and I know which document is the most up to date version) just to avoid all the negative associations I've built up with the resubmission verdict!
b) I made a list of all the corrections, placed them into bullet points. Next to each bullet point, I've added an action plan on how I intend to meet each and every correction/recommendation. I handed this to my supervisors to double check that I've understood correctly what they want from me. My supervisors then gave their feedback on this document. I will be using this document as a checklist to show my progress so far and I will use this list when I come to writing my cover letter/report to my examiners to show the changes I've made.
c) My corrections involve substantial changes and therefore consist of deleting almost all parts of some chapters so I've developed a new thesis structure and a new thesis model. I'm also frantically writing up sections which my examiners wanted me to elaborate on.
d) I've created a series of documents that contain all the material that I will submit in journal papers rather than my thesis. I'm trying to dull the pain of literally years spent working towards something only to have it deleted from my thesis. This is helping me work through deleting major parts of my submitted thesis and to see that I haven't wasted my time!
e) This is probably a silly point, but just above my computer in my direct line of sight I have 'I CAN DO THIS' in giant letters with Dr XXXXXXXX and my qualifications listed at the bottom. I also have a count down of March, April, May and June as well as Dr XXXX and my qualifications listed at the bottom. This is helping me to stay focused and is helping me challenge my frequent thoughts of I can't do this. Also highlights that I do have some time left (although I'm aware these months will fly by).
f) In addition to e) I'm trying to surround my
Continued!
f) In addition to e) I'm trying to surround myself with as much positive things as possible to enable positive thinking.
g) I'm meeting with my supervisors every month to discuss progress and their helping me with some of the finer points etc. My main supervisor helpfully said 'I can do this' at my last meeting which was really nice after years of negativity, but I will continue to see them frequently.
h) I'm trying to integrate some stress relieving techniques into my day- ie by walking along the beaches to clear my head and stretch my legs. Seems to be helping in reducing my stress levels.
i) I'm trying to focus on the good things about my thesis and trying to focus on the really positive comments made by my examiners.
j) I've deleted facebook for the timebeing which is helping me focus on my PhD. I'll reactivate it again once I've got through the major substatinal changes required by my examiners.
k) I'm spending a lot of time reading published PhD theses in order to give me some sort of idea of how my PhD should and WILL look like once I've resubmitted.
l) I've taken 2-3 weeks off during Feburary because I was not coping at all. I needed a break and I seem to be more productive following this break. So perhaps take a break from thesis corrections when it becomes too stressful or too overwhelming.
m) Try to remember that the examiners are letting you submit for a PhD and not an MPhil. They are letting you resubmit for a reason, namely that you're capable of obtaining a PhD after some corrections.
So many encouraging words. This forum is a real treasure. Well, I did an hour of work yesterday, on the said document. Today I will increase the time working on it, and so on. Oh, yes. I forgot to mention. I gave the document a positive name too, in order to encourage me to do the work.
I am going to print out a large poster with positive and encouraging words. Best of luck girls!
======= Date Modified 09 Mar 2012 21:58:08 =======
Hi Marasp, as well as all the other really good replies (renaming your new document-which does work) and all of the great strategies given by other posters, I would also slightly stress the following, which helped me in the final rewrite of my Masters and recent journal articles and (hopefully) will help me when I am where you are now with the PhD.
I really compartmentalised corrections. So rather than looking or reading everything in one big chunk, I would just focus on the tiny chunk earmarked for that correction or that lot of corrections. And depending on my mood and state of tiredness, I would select the type of correction or rewriting to suit my physical and emotional state. So if I was really over something, then I would work on something that was more straightforward (like making sure I had referenced all my internal references with APA 6, instead of Harvard (because I got confused iin the end write up and tended to alternate at times). Or days when I could face methodology but not rewriting the bit in discussion.
The other thing I have noticed is that the lists of corrections and rewrites often seems HUGE, but when you get down to it and do them methodically bit by bit, they are not quite as bad and you sort of realise that the examiner, supervisors, or reviewers (whoever it is) are often not criticising your actual whole work, but just bits and pieces (as in they want to know 'how you made this connection' because you haven't outlined that in your writing clearly). It seems like they are criticising your thesis-and often they are really criticising your communication of the thesis which just needs to be presented in a more logical or methodical manner. Good luck, I can imagine how tough it is and am not looking forward to this in a few years-I found it tough enough with the Masters and article submission-BUT you can do it you know-you are strong enough and persistent enough-and those qualities are what will get you through at this stage.(gift)
hello marasp and all the others who responded to this thread
i appreciate your post. im experiencing exactly the same thing.
when i do something else that is not related to the phd, i'm a happy, confident, and positive person. but the minute that i am scheduled to work on my corrections, i feel knots in stomach, even start crying because i can't bare to look at the comments and the fact that i don't know how to deal with them.
i'm trying to do the tricks in this post, like taking the comments little by little. i still have the sick feeling in my guts, but that's the only way to go, right?
this phd thing is absurd.
Hi, I know that feeling well! I was disgusted by mine as I was writing the last few chapters that I felt sick doing it! It took ages before I could even think about it again after my viva! They weren't pleasant thoughts either but like the others said you just have to grit your teeth and do it. You are very close to getting it done and it would be such a wasted effort if you didn't get it done!
Time does seem to make things better as you forget the about your viva (or at least try to) so you can distance yourself from it and do what is required.
I would suggest you do the easy things first like typos, renumbering, reformatting etc... before breaking the more detailed other stuff into chunks.
Once you get into the swing of things it won't seem as bad as I agree with you it's the psychological stress/torture of thinking about it that makes it seems worse. Once you break this down it'll be ok and you can get on with it!
Even now I have problems thinking about my thesis and would gladly never look at it again except I have to write the papers which are going very slowly! I am so much more interested in writing proposals and trying to get funding for other projects - in fact pretty much anything to move on from my PhD!!!!
As someone said once you have finished a set of corrections you can put them down in a document as finished as you need to show how you addressed the list of corrections and this would be the easiest way of doing it. If you need to rewrite/rework stuff - you'll find a lot of the original points aren't valid so you can just say that. It does feel like criticism when you are doing it and they are just being picky but that could be that as you've spent so much time doing it, it feels like an attack on your work when really it's just a different way of looking at things that maybe you hadn't thought about before.
I hope this helps and hang in there! It's tough as you think it's all over after the viva and then you get landed with corrections which I think are worse than writing up as you just want it to be over! :-s
Good luck and think of a reward/treat to motivate yourself as you get each chunk done!
(up) ;-) :p
Many thanks to all of you who encourage me. After following your advice I have managed to read the 50% of my thesis (and do some actual work on it) without crying my eyes out. (gift) Now I am determined to make it!
Congrats Marasp on making a start with it all. I'm going through a crying phase at the moment- really not sure how I'm going to do this in time :(
Anyway, onwards and upwards I guess!
Best of luck with everything.
