Worrying slightly about my sanity

N

Started PhD 8 weeks ago, and realised once every 2 weeks Ive bawled my eyes out over different worries. (not smart, sociable or motivated enough, don't understand my area, supervisor not reassuring me much, etc.) Though, I haven't hated every moment. At times I love it, the people and feel I really can do it. There are also days, (usually leading up to a howling session) when I want to run away and hide. I know these feelings are common, and I should just go talk to my supervisor/tutor/any poor guy I find on the street and pay to listen to me whine, but for a range of reasons, none are appealing at the moment. (like I said, tried supervisor/convinced tutor doesn't like me (did i mention my irritating insecurity?)/and though it would be fun to have a chat with that crazy guy hanging out on my street corner, his rabid dog may object and try and gnaw my leg off.) So, I 1st just want a general consensus on whether this is all normal(ish) behavior and the fortnightly weeping sessions will diminish or at least become more manageable, or should I be worried and start looking into anti-depressants etc.

F

Big hug. I am having counsilling at my uni, as alot of stuff I have kept bottled up for 28 years was adding to my worries. I am beginning to see dawn in my life, where once it was a sunset or pitch black. It is worth checking if your uni offers councilling, as just talking to someone, who wont judge you and is impartial helps.

F

I think fifi_fole has given some great advice. I am sure your Uni will indeed offer counselling as most do. I am sure it will help to talk things over to someone who is impartial.

If I am being honest I am close to completion and I still share many of your concerns about not being good enough/motivated enough etc! I am not sure I will ever shake that off but I am getting there nevertheless.

I do think things will get better and adjusting to a PhD can be very hard as it is so different to an undergraduate degree / taught Masters etc.

Do you get on well with any of the fellow PhD students in your area(if there are any?) It might be worth having a chat with them and I think you will find that many of them share your 'am I good enough?' worries, I know I certainly do. I don't think you need to say all that you have here if you don't want to, just ask them how it's going type thing.

Good luck and it will get better.

S

Hi. Seems to be normal to worry. I'm a year into my PhD and I still sometimes feel this way. There was one week not long ago when I thought I was losing my mind. All the pressure really got to me. But it;s all part of the experience I suppose. When I'm feeling low I take time out from it all to reflect and remind myself that I will get there eventually and it will be worth it. Maybe counselling would help but I always find other postgrads are the best support. You usually find that they feel exactly the same as you and encounter the same problems along the way. Good luck and hang in there

K

Perfectly normal and common feelings you've described here. I can only second the advice already offered, and also suggest chatting to a postdoc too, if there are any you get on with. Try incorporating some physical activity into your routine, as the endorphin rush may well work wonders in lifting your mood, and endogenous opioids have got to be better than pharmaceuticals. Keep at it, we're all with you

K

I feel exactly the same! I am convinced I'm not smart enough to do this and I find it hard to feel like my PhD is the most important thing in my life at the moment because I quite like all the other bits! I always feel like I need to work harder and constantly think maybe it would be better to just get a job. But then sometimes it is great, and even when it's not I just keep reminding myself of the flexible hours, student discount and anything else that might cheer me up!

N

geez, I think I am in love with everyone of you people! I posted this message last night before I went to bed, woke up, and 1st thing I did was check this and read all your messages and you don't know how much they've encouraged me and just made me feel like less of an overemotional idiot. Perfect wake-up call. Thank you all of you!

K

Great to hear you're feeling better about things Npsych

F

No worries, glad you are feeling more positive.

5499