Hello Ian, thank you very much for your post.

When I was still in shock, I told one of his close relatives what had happened and he did not believe me (which is when the bullying began). Last month, I was gathering evidence (such as texts with his confession) when I received the news that my rapist had died in a car crash.

I am regaining my strength, and when I feel ready I will let my parents know.

Hi anon007, thanks so much for your reply and support.

I know my post sounds like I am at the lowest point in my life, but I am on the way to recovery. I did not elaborate further on my current situation because of the word limit.

I am still a Ph.D. candidate at my local university - but as you may well guess, I no longer have plans of pursuing this Ph.D. due to their lack of seriousness. I am still coordinator of an interuniversity research network (I was told by my former boss/supervisor that if I leave the network nobody else from out lab will take my place, and I did not want to let down my colleagues from the network, so I stayed).

I have been working for a private company for 6 months now. The atmosphere here is very good and for the first time in five years I am working in a room with windows (which is believe has a beneficial effect on my mental health).

I decided to contact a potential supervisor in the field of sociology because I want to be active and focus on new things. I know a Ph.D. can be straining (I am 30 and I have been working full-time and studying full-time since I was 17), that is why I am willing to become a self-funding student using my savings and maybe stop working for at least a year while I am healing from the trauma.

I will try to find some type of anonymous counselling so that my family do not find out about my problems (I do not want to make them miserable with my issues).

Have you tried private tutoring for kids and teens? That's what I did as an undergraduate student. I taught maths and foreign languages as well.

I hold two graduate degrees and two master's degrees (Information Technologies and Sociology). I completed my graduate and master's in sociology through distance learning while working at the Computer Science faculty, hoping to do a Ph.D. in my lab.

However, my supervisor (and boss) never helped me. I was asked to perform non-research related tasks, was even asked to engage in industrial espionage. Without anyone's help, I got four papers accepted at international conferences. When someone from my group made an extended version of one of my papers copying several paragraphs from Wikipedia, I felt they were going over the top.

In an unrelated turn of events, I was raped and repeatedly bullied by an acquaintance one year ago. It severely damaged my mental healt. My performance at work decreased as a result of depression, and I got fired from my lab. Nobody is aware of what happened to me (not even my family). Nobody asked what was wrong with me, and I did not tell anyone out of shame.

I thought I could get something good out of the tragedy, and I applied for several Ph.D. positions. They were loosely related to my IT master's degree and I got rejected. My family forced me to apply for jobs at local companies and luckily I found a job.

I am feeling hopeless and nobody relates to my pain. My family and friends say that I am lucky I left that lab because my salary was low. They also say it is of no use having a Ph.D. I still want to go back to the world of research - this time, using my sociology degrees (as a self-funding student).

Two weeks ago I wrote to a prospective supervisor, but she has not yet replied. It makes me so nervous, since I have a very low self-esteem and I am full of trauma. Should I contact her again? Should I contact a different professor from the same university? She is the one whose research better matches my interests.