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monkiaa
Wednesday, 12 September 2018 at 11:03am
Wednesday, 12 September 2018 at 8:17pm
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Thread: How to Keep Sanity intact after being forced to quit first year of PhD

posted
17-Sep-18, 23:43
by monkiaa
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posted about 1 week ago
Yes, I am hugely suffering mentally now! I dont know what to say I just loved the research I was doing so much and getting results and publishing them in three top conferences! Solved problems in software that they use, helping others! By the end, he lied and say bad-mouthing about me that he has doubts that I can continue! There another senior student in my same group after 4 years and publishing more than 4 articles in journals and conferences, this supervisor mentioned he wasnot able to finish!


I am very sad, how would my peers would laugh at me, and he didnot understand what I did and never listened to me, always I was underestimated and belittled!

Honestly, I am exhausted, my dreams smashed to walls! Others labs when I approaching they offer two months at rat to test, which is exhausting to girl to go from country to another on her own! Its hard! I wish my life could end! because honestly I get tired and just contemplating why I get two grants from top conference! Why some people was interested to cooperate with me!

My little dreams was just to do what I am passionate about, just it! But I am honestly tired and emotionally killed, I cannot even express what I am feeling, I am lost honestly.

Thread: How to Keep Sanity intact after being forced to quit first year of PhD

posted
14-Sep-18, 17:13
edited about 10 seconds later
by monkiaa
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posted about 1 week ago
Actually as I said before that this supervisor is not specialized in my topic of research and besides that he always belittling and racist as well! I proved something new and published in top conference, and I was being accused that this is not my work or drawings. He is dealing with me like a competitor. Okay, may be you will not believe, but he said to me from few days, that you are independent and he didnot like that, there are many things that I can accuse him, but I cannot do that at all. The project is related to him, and there is no one else working on that topic. I am totally distracted.

Thread: How to Keep Sanity intact after being forced to quit first year of PhD

posted
14-Sep-18, 14:36
edited about 2 seconds later
by monkiaa
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posted about 1 week ago
Now the HR and director of school want to me, I know may be I have to sign papers to terminate, I dont know, I am thinking about runaway and not sign any thing, I feel terrified, I still have to the end of the month and go. Please advices, I dont want to sign to something I forced from awful and racist supervisor, please advices.

Thread: How to Keep Hope in Severe Academia?

posted
13-Sep-18, 17:55
edited about 10 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 1 week ago
I am a first year in PhD and ended by being forced to quit although hard work day and night! But now I am kind of disappointed, I am now 27, I didnot create family, leaving home country and he problems in the past of my family that hugely affect on my mental health, I have OCD and some other health issues. Although every one almost admires my personality in presentating the work. However, I am now shocked, my dream was to good research that could help people really and being memorized even before leaving the this earth. But I found it doesnot look like that. When I was a little girl, I was telling my late mother, I dont want to be an ordinary person, I want to add this world, being important person.

However, I am writing these, I am burst in tears and deeply alone, I get suffered from complaining, so I forget to speak, I get used to keep every thing inside, I am afraid about my family as I am responsible, and I would like to make their life better, but may be the problem in me as I didnot do well like others, I thought I do something new and meaningful, but ended up by kicking out.

I would be grateful if someone tell me how I can overcome this period.

Thread: How to Keep Sanity intact after being forced to quit first year of PhD

posted
13-Sep-18, 14:47
edited about 8 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 1 week ago
Hello Guys,

I just need advices for my mental health, as I feel so pressurized, originally my personal life has many problems, and that PhD was a dream for me to be someone who can be memorized, my passion is to the sky. I also I have faced some health issues since four years, I forget all of these, and dedicate all my time to work.

I have mentioned about my situation that I am forced to quit although publishing and so on, now I am in a foreign country, I couldnot find any one who I could trust although I love people so much and different cultures, but now I feel that the candle inside me switched off.

I feel so bad, and dont know why this happen, why I have been faced by bad supervisor who didnot appreciated the grants I got. In the other side, there will be few people I know jealous will be happy about my situation, I am now 27 years old, and I feel that what I am doing in my life, all the dreams faced by a big smash, may be I am emotional, sometimes I try to be hard and fighter and sometimes I feel lost. I wish any one can tell me what I should to keep y sanity intact.

Thread: I am forced to Quit Although Performing well

posted
13-Sep-18, 12:16
edited about 27 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 1 week ago
I am trying, but I am really so afraid, as this field is so small, small labs while contacting now feel afraid because they know him and refuse to continue. I am totally distracted, I should think about alternative solutions, but I am afraid to stuck with another bad supervisor. I am also was concerned about that senior student who disappeared and not allowed to defend. I dont know what is happening around me, I feel shamed on myself as I never thought that could happen as I have been always hard-worker.

Thread: I am forced to Quit Although Performing well

posted
13-Sep-18, 07:44
edited about 17 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 1 week ago
What is more worse, every research knows in I am in that x lab, and now there is another lab interested, but the new potential PI told me I have to ask the former PI about you and situation, but I am afraid he can make bad-mouthing about me, also this new potential PI interested in what I did in different country told to bring two months test which is like ( rat experiment), I dont have any grants or financial support, I was working on project. I am sorry for writing in comments, but I am totally distracted, and cannot think and there is no help from institute or university.

Thread: I am forced to Quit Although Performing well

posted
13-Sep-18, 07:19
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 1 week ago
Hi,
Actually, the grant is from his side, it is a project, so there is no one in that topic, which obligated me to look outside this country (not my home country). There is another lab in other European union, I found that he friends with this supervisor, and he will ask about me, I told myself, I have to select someone who is not friend with them, am I right, because I am afraid that they can influence with bad things.

Honestly, I am so exhausted, tired, and cannot think! I dont know why this happen from the beginning, it is not easy.

Thread: I am forced to Quit Although Performing well

posted
12-Sep-18, 15:20
edited about 3 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 1 week ago
Hi rewt,

Yes, my supervisor has a reputation, and I cannot speak to any one, he is the only supervisor in the team! If I say it is like a gang, it could be.

There is a former senior phd student, who spent four years and after publishing in high journals, he didnot allow him to defend, acclaiming that he was not able to finish.

I have been working on truly on new topic and develop and prove something, he said in front the committee, that he proposed all these ideas and not me.

I was like in a night mare, I cannot speak, I told myself, how I can trust this as supervisor after what I see. I accepted to stop the phd with him from the previous week after pressure from HR and him.

All what I can say, I think he is jealous from students that think out of the box. During all the negation and evasive accusation which was really funny, he was trying to belittle from me with constructive criticism, and I was asking myself how this one can gain reputation, he is psycho and lied in front of me, shame I agree to the decision.


The problem that there is another lab interested to test me as a rat for them, and they know him and they told me we have to contact him.

I am totally destroyed although I believe in the hard work and thats why have two grants from big conferences. I felt like a competitor for him not a student. I am now 27 and I am upset that I will be late and sometimes I dont know what I should I dont have the option to switch as the system completely different in Europe, it is not department, it is institution, and it is not surprising as he kicked out from few months two very good engineers.

I dont know what to do, scared and I lose confidence in every thing around me. Am I wrong, is that common to happen.

Thread: I am forced to Quit Although Performing well

posted
12-Sep-18, 11:14
edited about 27 seconds later
by monkiaa
Avatar for monkiaa
posted about 1 week ago
Hello,

I am a first year student, and I have been working on a new topic of research, I worked day and night and proving something new and verified it. At the beginning of my phd my supervisor has traveled and just returned, and told me we have to stop and not continue without any reasonable reasons.

It started from few months, he always belittle, underestimate, although I got two grants from top conference, making videos and podcasting and every one praise my good work and personality.

I found that I have been treated as a competitor, and although proving my approaches, he agreed and then saying false words to the committee to take the decision and stop my phd work.


It is not surprising, as there was another former senior phd student, I saw him since he came, and he wasnot allowed to defend his phd, as this supervisor acclaimed he was not able to finish his phd although he had published in peer reviewed journal and having citation as well, it was scary and not familiar.


In front of committee, he lied, and say something without proving and I have asked if he can say a detailed constructive criticism, he couldnot, all I can say that they are a gang literally, and he said words that intend he is jealous and dont want to see me having self confidence in my self and believe, I know no one will believe, but this is the truth.


Honestly, I am distracted, I have this dream, and there were many people would see me fail, however, I dont know whether what happened is good or bad, and what I should do next!

I would be grateful for your advices and whether there is someone has encountered this similar situation.

Thanks
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