Did you make sure the online school in the United States is accredited? How did you verify it?

Hello, Monty! Just a few questions:

- Are you able to connect with other students (positive motivators) in your program?
- Is there any opportunity available to change your workload or responsibilities?
- Do you have commitments during the weekend that take you away from your studies?

Maybe the negative people around you are a distraction because you're exhausted. It sounds like you need to sit down, calculate the time you need for work and academics, and then come up with a feasible plan that you can stick to. You might have to make some hard decisions about either studying part-time, working part-time, or giving up your job until you finish.

Since you mentioned stress and stamina, maybe you need to incorporate something into your routine that will help you transition from work to studying. For example, a 20-minute "power nap", meditation, a quick jog - whatever works for you to make that transition.

It's fairly common for students to underestimate the amount of time necessary to do PhD work, so I would recommend, first and foremost, to outline an honest, feasible plan about how you will allocate your time. Once that's in place, you'll probably be able to cope much easier.

Good luck!

I think so too. The ability to bring out the best in people is a gift.

Are you only interested in Europe? I ask because this is a major field in New Zealand.

I felt the same way when returning to academics after six years in the work force. In my case, I continued working full-time, so it was mainly a matter of time management, and staying organized. As Jenstallon wrote, once you get back into the flow of things, those "academic skills" come back to you. Actually, I think having some work experience before starting grad school is an advantage.

Good luck in your new program, and most of all: have fun!

It was the opposite for me. I would walk into her office close to tears, and leave with an adrenaline rush.

Hi C., From your post, it sounds like you're feeling better! Writing up is a very isolating experience for most PhD candidates. Whenever you need a burst of optimism, think about how you will feel the morning after you've passed your viva. Imagine it down to the last detail. Whenever your energy is low, access that image. Reflect on it every night before you sleep. I know this sounds like crazy advice, but as you said, although there are many variable out of your control right now, one thing that you can control is your own thoughts. Keeping your mind focused on a positive outcome requires a lot of self-control, but it is well worth it. You'll see!

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I'm so glad to hear that things have taken a turn for the better - like sunshine after the storm! (up)(up)

Thanks for the update. Keep hanging in there...you only have a little further to go!

Wow! I'm really sorry that happened to you, and understand it must not feel good. Have you asked him what he means? Is it attitudinal (e.g. lack of motivation), or does he think you need a stronger foundation in your academic field? Maybe you can ask in a non-confrontational way. If it's honest, constructive feedback, it could help you decide what to do next. If it's because you remind him of his ex-wife, well then you know it's him, not you.

It means you have to apply for external grants and scholarships (as opposed to grants and scholarships awarded directly from the university). The best places to look are foundations, and professional organizations in your field. Fortunately, these days, a lot of this information is online. If you're not sure where to start in your search, you could ask for help from a reference librarian if there's a large public library in your area. (In the U.S., a comprehensive resource is the Foundation Center in New York.)

What is your academic field, and where do you plan to study?

One approach you could try is providing the advisors with a template, or draft, of the letter attached to an email. (Personally, I would ask in person, or by phone, and then send a follow-up email.) The letter could describe your project, followed by neutral language such as, "I recommend Harry without reservation." You can leave it up to them to embellish with a few more sentences if they wish to do so. If they don't, that's fine.

This way, you can get your letter/s without asking too much of their time. Unless the prospective employer requests that the letter is addressed directly to him or her, I would just ask your advisors to print it on letterhead addressed to Sir/Madam, or Whom It May Concern. That way, you can use it for other applications, without ever having to ask them again.

Good luck! I hope you'll post again to let us know how it works out.

If the dog answers, then you KNOW it's time for a break!;-)

Just based on my own experience, given a choice, I would rather be near my support network going into the proposal writing stage. I struggled with mine, mainly because I had never written a PhD research proposal before! (In comparison, just taking courses is easy.)

I worked full-time throughout my program, which was fine at the beginning of the program, but extremely challenging toward the end, because it felt like the equivalent of taking on another full-time job.

Certainly, it's possible to earn a PhD from a distance, whether you're living in a different city, or living abroad. Having experienced both (living close to campus, and commuting a significant distance), if I had to do it over again, I would make my life as simple as possible and move close to campus. But that's just me - others may have a different view.

(Just as an aside, I don't know whether you'll get an unbiased opinion from your friends. It's natural that they'll want to persuade you to live closer to them!)

Hi C.!
Sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. The reality is that if you decide to build a lifelong relationship with this guy, down the road, you will always encounter challenges and stressful situations. That's just part of life. The PhD program is pushing your mental, physical, and emotional endurance to the limit. If I'm reading correctly, you're projecting some of your frustrations onto him, and you acknowledge that. Have you talked to him about how you're feeling? You very articulately described the reasons why the program is challenging for you right now. Have you explained it to him the same way?

Ask him for advice about how to deal with some of these issues. Talk to him about the specifics of your research. Make him feel like he's part of this PhD thing that you're going through, because he is part of it. He's your partner, after all. Rather than seeing this situation as a negative, try to see it as an opportunity to develop the strong communication skills, and mutual support, that will see you through (inevitable) hardships in the future.

Frankly, I think spouses and significant others of PhD candidates should get a medal of honor for what they put up! It would probably help if you acknowledged that by saying something along the lines of, "I know this has been difficult for you, and I know I've been hideous, and I just want to let you know I appreciate your patience, and understanding, and when this is all over we'll [insert fabulous thing he can look forward to]!"

I don't get the impression that you want to quit your program. It sounds like you're going through the typical "I hate my life" phase of this experience. You'll be okay. Just communicate with the guy, share your concerns, apologize profusely, and get back to work so you can finish the damn thing!

:-)

How many pages is 80,000 words - about 320? At my uni, the minimum is 200 pages, maximum 350 pages. Although it's tempting to obsess over word count, maybe right now you should focus on getting the thesis on paper and saying what needs to be said. I doubt your supervisor would ask you to add fluff just to thicken the manuscript. Some chapters will require more details and explanation than others, so fluffing won't even be necessary. What I'm trying to say is focus on quality, not quantity.

The advice I received was to write as though the audience knows nothing about the topic, and explain everything as clearly, and thoroughly as possible. Once you get going, you'll be surprised by how fast you reach 300 pages.