examination forms nightmare!

P

Lara, Lara, Lara......
First and foremost, I think you need to think about how you're at an emotionally stressful stage and that you might, to some extent, be over-reacting (albeit understandably) to your supervisor's response. He is not being emotionally supportive, but then again supervisors are not trained counsellors.
Try to take the emotion out of the plan you write, however hard this might be. Keep your graduate office updated at every stage. Is there anyone else in your department who might be prepared to step in and help, or is it your sup or noone?
I'm sure you're capable, you've written these papers after all, it must just be very demoralizing. I suggest you might want to think about signing up to your university's counselling service tho', for two reasons: 1. if you don't submit on time it gives you back up, 2. it might help you think more positively through this difficult time.

P


Try to get your plan written as clearly as possible, arrange a specific date next week to see your supervisor to discuss it rather than being fobbed off with 'i'm too busy i'm writing a grant application right now'. Get yourself a cup of coffee, or go for a walk for five minutes. And try and get back down to it.
I feel for you, I really do, and hope this doesn't come across too harshly.

M

Look I have to say, that well Lara you sound a bit unstable to be honest and well you can kind of see your supervisors point of view. It seems like your up and down like a yoyo one day you say you can do it and then the next minute you are like oh no i cant. Seriously I think you just need to get your head down, stop hanging around these forums posting incessantly and then let the work speak for itself! I think you just need to totally focus and then your supervisors and dept will totally be on your side and you can have the last laugh! good luck!

A

make a table of contents, list all sub-sections and give a short overview of what each will contain, give bullet points as to what your discussion will contain. You should have a very clear idea of whats going into it at this stage since you have started writing it so it should only take a couple of hours to do. Also make a timeline graph (a gant chart, i think) showing what you have done, and what is left to do. I've nearly finished my thesis (also a biological scienec one) in 4 months (but that was not solid 9-5 wirking ) so Im sure you can get it done on time. However, the onus is completely on you to make sure that your supervisor works hard for you and provides timely feedback on all drafts. Ive found the "is it corrected yet, is it corrected yet, is it corrected yet" approach works for me

O

NO NO NO NO NO NO~ the posts that are on here that are critical of Lara have NO PLACE and I think the forum administrators should remove them post haste. She is under a great deal of stress. Posts that say you are unstable, or you are throwing toys of out the pram, etc. just do not have a place. NO NO NO NO NO. Why make unhelpful and quite frankly mean spirited and inappropriate gratitious remarks to someone who is using the forum as a means to plow through a tough time?

O

I would suspect most people have moments where they feel like quitting--whatever it is, be it their PhD, moments in their marriage, or as a friend related to me, in child birth, she felt like saying, I don't want to do this, please take me home! Its a human response to a stressful situation. The end. Anyone else who characterizes it as anything else is really just seeking the opportunity to be an arrogant jerk, in my opinion.

Lara is expressing emotionality, which again, is part of the human experience. The UK culture tends to be so frightened of emotions, that having them is seen as a huge social faux pas. It represses them in a most unhealthy way. I suspect people are uncomfortable with Lara's expression of emotions, and seek to belittle her rather than deal with their own discomfort around her emotions.

O

Hang on there Lara. I wish you success in this venture.

P

I've just re-read my post, and I'm sorry if it does sound a bit harsh........
I agree that people do get frightened of emotions, but right now Lara needs to find an outlet for them that enables her to get her thesis done, I wasn't suggesting she supress them altogether.

P

I would have thought that it would be more constructive to suggest that she has a nice night with her friends and calms down.. than to just say 'Hope it all works out'... PhD, industry, 18 or 80.. everyone gets stressed, it's part of being human ...

*However* how you deal with that stress can be the difference between someone treating you with compassion and someone treating you with no respect at all - I've had strops, I've had stresses and I can sympathise - but I personally would rather Lara finish her PhD (which I am sure she is capable of) than writing emotive emails to people and then regretting it....

Cup of tea, long walk, whatever.. to calm down - and THEN reassess the situation...

L

thanks olivia. you really put into words how i felt when i read MM comment.

if it wasnt for this forum and for members like you, i would have quit.

im too upset right now, to write anymore, but i want to say thank you to following members:

pamplemousse

avalon68

and especially olivia.

MM, yes i am unstable. very emotionally unstable. but that's me. i may not be as strong emotionally as you. i admit it. but this forum has helped me so much, to stick with my phd. and i will not leave this forum, or stop posting here, because i dont have anyone else to talk to. and although it might seem as incoherent ramblings of a mad person. i just have to let it out. i appreciate what you're trying to say. and i only have myself to blame, for opening up, because when a person does so, it invites others to judge them and offer critisism. i understand your only trying to help.

L

pamepelmouse, your message was not harsh at all. i think olivia is referring to MM's message.

S

Hi Lara (and all). I think the point people were trying to make is that you are clearly very stressed about this, but it also seems that that stress is preventing you from seeing a way out of this. You do need to be more proactive, but for now you do need to find a way to unwind and then reassess.
I can see why your supervisor would be reluctant to contact externals and such if he does not believe you are ready to submit (his own reputation would be partly on the line). It is therefore your job to prove you can do it. If he is unwilling to see you asap, you do need to get in touch with the Graduate Officer at your institution to explain the situation and they can work something out to escape this impasse.
Right now I would suggest meeting up with a friend tonight - doing something that makes you laugh and then in the morning start banging on doors. Good luck

L

thanks PC geek., i appreciate your kind message, and everyone else that's helped me too today.

thank you to everyones advice and words of encouragement, i really appreciate it.

and i am sorry i have been so emotional. i just really needed to talk about it with you guys, cause you're the only one that really understand what it's like.

i am gonna take a break. and then calmly write an email to my supervisor

1) explaining exactly what i have been doing the past year and the year during my RA job.

2) write a detailed map of my thesis.

3) tell him what i have done.

4) and deadlines i have set myself and a timeplan.

thanks everyone. i couldn't have gotten through this with you all. i just wish i knew about this forum all those years i was suffering in silence. and didnt tell anyone.

P

I just didn't want it to be taken in the same vein.... from (very personal) experience I just think that some people find (as I have in the past) that a little extra help/ someone outside to talk to face-to-face can help. Essentially it's going to be a case of working through the bad days (as I'm sure you're oh so aware!) and if this forum provides an outlet for that, than that's as good a support as ever. Providing others try to be objective and supportive.

L

oh i hadn't read pc geek's earlier message about the pram comment

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