and i know i must sound like such an unstable loon, up and down. wanting to quit, and nearly quitting, to trying to work through it.

but that's how i feel up and down..

thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and comfort, you're all been a great help.

i should take a time out. and just clear my head for a few hours.

i think i am starting to lose it abit.

What you need to convince your supervisor is how you are going to finish your thesis between now and September. Don't go over the past all over again. It won't help matters. Just focus on what you've been doing over the last few weeks, and how you plan to finish by September. And be realistic in your timetable to include time for redrafting. Otherwise your supervisor won't think it's viable.

You're so right Bilbo, thanks you just saved me! I was drafting an email, to explain again what i have been doing. but you're right no need to do that. okay thanks. that's just saved me alot of headache and time. i will delete the draft.

okay, i will make a time line, and include time for redrafting.

i will tell him again, that i am planning on having a 1st draft of my thesis completed by july 1st.

and then spend time on corrections and redrafting during July. and then final corrections in august.

my aim is to have a zero draft of all my chapters by friday.
and then work on them to pull them up to 1st draft, in the next few weeks.

thanks Bilbo. im glad i checked the forum before i spent anymore time, writing an email, or worse sending it!

Hi Lara

Boy, you sound like you're having a rollercoaster ride there, more downs than ups. Seems to me, what you're best doing (and this is hard) is closing the door on the past and focusing on what lies ahead. Make a fresh start. Try not to get too mad with the way things have worked out. I've watched you on the forum these last few weeks, you are positive, you want to finish, you have set yourself goals. Communicate THESE things to your supervisor. Try to rise above your feelings of anger.

What your supervisor wants (and needs) is an account of what you have been doing, where you plan on going and how this will get you to where you need to be for your viva. Just give him/her that. You could even just break it down into those three things. This is where I'm at, this is what I'm working on, this is how these fit with the viva.

Don't feel you have to make excuses, justify yourself or explain... be proactive - make sure he/she knows that you want to get to viva and that you're prepared to do what it takes to get there.

Brief and to the point is best. (Not easy, I know, but best).

And, agree with Pampelmousse... althought time is at a premium and the mountain is before you... a rest along the way is worth more than you think. Take care of yourself. The forum is here to support you... come and vent, come and ask, but with supervisors... just deal with them professionally (even if that means eating your frustrations).

BilboBaggins said:
"What you need to convince your supervisor is how you are going to finish your thesis between now and September. Don't go over the past all over again. It won't help matters. Just focus on what you've been doing over the last few weeks, and how you plan to finish by September."

I totally 100% agree. If you want to get through this and not go mad in the process, you need to compartmentalise what's going on. There are some things that you perhaps need a counsellor's help with, but at the moment what you need to focus on is:

Hey Lara, so sorry to hear what a rubbish day you've had, but glad to see you're still here and being supported by everyone. I hope you're getting a few hours space from this, ideally with some company.
You've made loads of progress over these last few weeks and have been very proactive and positive about achieving the last milestones after a long and difficult sounding journey. Remember that!
I may echo a few of the points that have already been made, but here's my advice.
You're sup doesn't seem to say that he won't meet you, only that he is busy this week. In your reply you should ask him for his next available meeting is after the grant is done. You may have to wait until next week, but that may be the way it has to be. Keep the exam form people up to date with what is happening - I think you already spoke to them. I'm sure you're not the first student to have a sup who is a little slow to arrange meetings!

As the last post said, you need to put all the crap from the past behind you and try not to let it get you wound up - you have enough other stress which is more current! These are the things you can put your energy into now to change.
You've been so determined in your previous posts. This is what you need to communicate to your supervisor. Maybe you need to write a sup email to arrange the meeting, then when the date is set, follow up with your plan by email for them to see before the meeting - as he requested. Don't forget to give the email a few hours in between writing and sending to check it with a fresh outlook!

The counselling is a really good idea - if the forum is your main outlet for all this, that's pretty hard. We are all here to support you, but sometimes a real human being might give you an extra type of support (but that doesn't mean you should leave the forum!). And crying is what counsellors are for...they do special training modules in it You've taken on a big task, but you have achieved so much along your phd already and you can do this last bit. Being emotional is just part of dealing with all this stress (someone else said that much better!), it's not a reflection of anything you're doing wrong. Try to get a little space from this, and some rest, then come back with that positive spirit and determination you've shown so much of recently.
x

1. What does your supervisor need to know? (namely, how you plan to get the work done and what you've done already)
2. How are you going to communicate this to him? (PhD map/plan/Gantt chart whatever. You need to have this in place asap for your own benefit anyway, so you may as well make it your major priority).

Without these two things sorted in your head, you're only going to get yourself more and more upset. Yes, it sounds like you've been treated badly, and that there hasn't been the support/understanding that there should have been, but I think you're letting several years' worth of experience overwhelm you when trying to deal with this specific issue.

Oops - my post got divided by Cake Girl's posts.

Anyway, I was just going to conclude by saying that the first thing you need to do is get that plan on paper. You've already posted bits here about what you plan to do when, so I reckon you must have a good idea in your head already. Then go and chill out for a bit, watch a DVD, have something nice to eat, whatever. Then compose an email to your supervisor. Just focus on what he needs to know right now (i.e. how you plan to achieve this and what you've already done). Don't send it straight away, go away and rest, then come back, re-read it and send if you're happy with it. Just focus on the issues at hand and don't let all the difficulties from the past affect how you handle this specific issue.

And do remember, for all his faults, your supervisor is not a mind reader. We here are very aware of all the hard work and planning you've been putting in. Because you've told us. But if you haven't told him what you've already achieved and how you plan to do the rest of it, then he has no evidence that you even understand the amount of work there is to do. From that respect, I can understand his concerns.

I really do wish you well with this. Just try to take things a small step at a time. You remember your book about writing your thesis 15 mins at a time? Well try to deal with the admin one piece at a time, and don't get too involved with what has happened in the past.

Good luck

Oops - sorry HazyJane, was composing for a while and hadn't refreshed the page before posting. But I totally agree with what you've posted!

[tangent] I've never come across a forum with such a small word limit for posts. It's a bit crap really. Especially when you consider we are, by definition, people who want to write a lot![/tangent]

Thanks everyone. You're all so wonderful. I am feeling much better now thanks to all the advice and the support. Thanks everyone for your help today. I am so grateful.

I will make a fresh start tommorow morning, and do the thesis mind map, and breakdown exactly what i have been doing and what i need to do.

Thanks Bakuvia, HazyJane and Cakegirl

everything you wrote, made alot of sense, thank you so much.

I will do just that. make a plan, explain what i have done over these past few weeks, and what I intend to do. and then CC the graduate tutor in the email, so they are kept up to date aswell with my progress.

And be confident and positive that I can do it, even when he keeps saying that I can't and I don't know how to defend my thesis in a viva.