Good luck with your mock viva, Miss Spacey and let us know how it goes, what you thought of it, etc. Remember that the mock has no consequence, so don't get nervous ( easier said than done!)but really--its just a practice. Find the things that you can do to relax, you will perform better if relaxed, is what I tell myself--you owe it to yourself to be kind and good to yourself. You will do better--and besides--this insanity of PhD stress just takes its toll. So say no to it, and be happy and calm. :) and Good luck!

At some point I decided to finish the PhD simply and only because I did not want to live with the what -ifs I would have had had I not finished...I figured I can always go and do whatever I would have done had I quit the PhD, even after I finish. Its not a life sentence into academia...it could be a stepping stone into that, but by no means do you HAVE to go that path. So whatever job--I might have done upon quitting the PhD, I can go and do even with it. Perhaps its because I am a bit long in the tooth, that I have realised choices are not so stark and black and white as they seem--some things do circle back into your life--and few very choices in life are irrevocable. Quitting a PhD is one. Staying on is not, because it simply defers the decision to quit a while longer---just because you stay now does not mean you do not quit later--you are never robbed of that choice. I used to think of quitting as an option I had any day I wanted to use it. So then I would decided, meh, no, not today, not quitting, and carry on. PhD is hard slog. Is it worth it? I don't know...

Misspacey, can you prod your supervisor to get one organised? They may not have thought of it, or might have thought of it and it slipped their mind. I would recommend having one, if for no other reason than you get the idea of what its like to face people asking you about your thesis. It might reduce the "fear factor" or simply the fear of the unknown, what that is like.

Meh. I am not a fan of this way of testing, anyway, but oh well its not in my power to change it all. It just seems that its as much a test of your ( ohh better not use the expression I almost did, it could be taken wrong LOL) ability to articulate, as it is on the strength and value of your thesis, etc...for myself, not worried on the articulation part...but a part of me feels like--ok after all this work and effort and study and writing and researching and editing, what it seems to come down to for the final final, is how well I talk? It seems to rob something from the value of the hard slog of writing the thesis. I am not saying this well--but what has my ability to answer questions well under fire and pressure got to do with the worth of my research? ( Disgruntled, and kicks another sacred cow of academia meh...)

Sorry to hear you are feeling fed up. I do hope things get better, and I am sure they will. I think that feeling goes along with the PhD. Speaking only for myself, I felt more fed up the closer I got to the end. I think it does get more stressful, and its less fun than the early parts. I had more than a few times in tears at the computer screen just wondering why I was putting myself through it. I could have happily quit at any moment of any day--I used to say it was like the Doomsday Clock that is set to five minutes to midnight, that the world is five minutes from a nuclear holocaust, well ( not to make light of nuclear dangers or wars or whatever, hope this does not offend anyone, I don't mean to disrespect the seriousness of all that) I used to say I was always about five minutes away at any given moment from quitting it all and walking away. I won't post it here coz it has profanity, but there is a poster of a penguin going home...if you Google penguin going home in Google Images you will find him ( dont google it if you are bothered by a profane expression) and I used to feel just like the poor little penguin looks!

Break your work day into chunks of 2 hours or so, even if its long days. Take breaks. Reward yourself for what you get done in the day by having a treat, even if its just a walk away from teh desk for a few minutes. Eat chocolate. Eat crisps. Whatever works. Do you have a friend or family member who you can just vent to, who will just listen? That was a huge help to me, someone who would let me rant and then say Yeah, but its all going to be fine. I just needed to hear those words. Can you take a day away and rest? Do you take at least one day off a week? Even if you feel like you can't, DO! You need it.

Find something that makes you laugh. Laughter cuts stress right down. Read PhD comics. Find something else to make you life.

If I was desperate for a short break, I would do a silly test at www.blogthings.com.
Short, amusing, not hard thinking.

Some days I watched Youtube clips of bugs bunny or sesame street to make me laugh...silly..but it makes the stress go way way down.

Hang in there.

You WILL get through it. It WILL be OK.

Hmmm...thoughts on the mock viva...well to be honest, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. The questions were not difficult ( although my mock examiners were trying to be difficult its not that they went easy) in that--I was able to understand and have ready answers. A few times I was asked to expand on a point I had made, sometimes what I thought were fairly minor points within the thesis. One time I had to take a few seconds to read what was on the page and jog my brain about the thing, it was so minor I felt like HUH? What are you talking about?!

Yes, articulation matters I would say. I was told to make better eye contact...and to not talk so much. LOL. But I was almost delirious with happiness to talk to people about the thesis, really! I was like OOOH you want to hear about it. I could have gone on for hours! Seriously! I had thought ahead of time how to answer the things like what is your original contribution and etc...some of the stock questions. I think if you are not as motor mouthed as me, one thing to do would be to write down the question you are being asked ( I was told to do that to slow down) and then think for a few seconds before you reply. That might have the opposite effect for you ( ie it wont slow you down, but it will help you focus and articulate).

I am not bothered talking in groups. In fact I love it, and I am pretty OK talking off the top of my head. But while this might seem like a viva strength, as I said, in my case, I was told not to say SO much. So...it was not a strength in all of the viva. Oh well. ( am laughing as I write this because.......I dont know why...who talks too much in a viva...who ever heard of that LOL...it would be me...)

I think knowing where things are in the thesis is important, whatever it takes to know that--ie, notes, your table of contents, or whatever...having things tabbed was a nightmare for me, I kept gerbiling in the tabs, and finally gave up and just used my table of contents to get to things. The tabs were worse than useless for trying to locate things. I know in my head the basic important contents of each chapter...but from my life before the PhD, I am used to having to shove large chunks of info into memory and recalling it under pressure, so if you are not used to that, I would suggest having maybe a one para summary of the chapters, or even a half page of bullet points, if your table of contents cannot guide you specifically enough.

The other thing--I wasn't nervous for the mock viva. Because it had no consequence. That will be different of course for the real one. Which I am just ready to be done with. Am sick and tired of the stress, of having things hanging over my head. Cannot even get my head in the game to be stressed..so am just trying to relax and do what I can to prepare but again, its hard to know what...I have 2 articles to read this weekend, and a bit of one chapter to read, and then I will have read the thesis again, and found the major works. I will probably refresh my reading of the thesis in the week upcoming to the viva. But other than that...I just want to be done!!!

I hope that is of help. Sorry if its rambling...

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php

If you need a reason to not be productive today :P its a holiday in other places!

I am being marginally productive, with a few tasks, but not pushing myself hard.

Relationships at any stage of life are about balance--life is about balance--and there is never a perfect time to do things. Life never does fall neatly into place. Many things can come along and rock the boat of a relationship or a career, and they will--things you can neither anticipate nor necessarily control or have been able to avoid. Successful relationships are elastic--there is room within them for each partner to grow and change over time--as people do. Within a successful relationship, each partner must be willing to compromise and the dreams of the other partner must be important as well. There is no easy solution, no perfect time, no period that after which you finish PhD/get married/get academic job/move to certain place that things just slot into place. Just doesn't happen. Life is happening all around you all of the time, and doing a PhD is not putting life on hold--it IS life--and yes, it may mean some things are delayed or not even possible--but it means other things are not delayed and ARE possible. Its about choices and opportunity. I would neither squander my PhD and a professional opportunity for a relationship, nor would I squander a relationship for a PhD and a professional opportunity--if the relationship is worthwhile and going to last--there is a way to find compromise and middle ground and make things work. If that cannot be found, its unlikely the relationship had what it takes to go the distance anyway. And something else would have knocked it off centre and ended it.

Maybe I am just being thick, but I soooo don't get the reasoning behind writing up one line summaries of pages, or summaries of chapters separate from what is already in the thesis. What is this supposed to help? I am going to re-read two key papers...and have looked for updated papers, but since I just submitted recently, and had updated within a few weeks of the submission, there really is not much ( and my field moves like a glacier if it moves at all). Frankly, I just want to be done. If someone knocked on my door and asked if I minded if we did the viva right now, I would say, lets go!

Hello

My mock viva went fine. It was easier in a way than I expected. I liked getting to talk to a captive audience about my work! On the other hand, they did ask me some questions about methods and etc that forced me to work more than other questions, but the panel felt I had done a great job in defending things and answering. They said I knew my thesis inside and out backwards and forwards. The few criticisms were on the need to not talk so much when I answer open ended questions :$:$ and to maintain better eye contact with examiners.

I am now reading through my thesis at a gentle rate, making notes for myself, here and there...more to jog my memories than to refer to for anything. The sticky notes I put on the thesis were USELESS in the mock viva. If anything, they were an annoyance. They are coming off for the real thing.

I am stressed but in deep denial over it--so am not acting too stressed--am plannig a few days of sightseeing and etc to get away from my desk and the university, etc, just to rest my brain. I am trying to do little with my brain...just let it rest and relax and let little bits of information seep in as needed. If people want much more from me I just tell them to wait until my viva is over. If they don't like the answer, well too bad...its the way it is.

Good luck to you--have you had a mock viva and how is your prep going along?

Mostly I just want it over with as I feel like there is little more I can do to get ready, in all honesty, the reading through the thesis is more like busy work so I feel like I am doing something as opposed to nothing...so its a matter of counting days and just wanting the thing behind me.

Coming to the end of a PhD thesis can be a particularly stressful thing, even given that the PhD itself is pretty stressful at times. All of a sudden, you realise the end is in sight, and while its good, its also another massive change on the horizon--the what next that comes after the PhD, and you lose the "comfort zone" of doing the PhD work. So I think its perfectly natural to feel a bit sensitive and reactive to things that happen, and perhaps even read more into what someone says or does...its just stress. It magnifies things, sometimes in unusual or not completly accurate ways. An actual completion date is a moveable feast ( albeit there is a final deadline) but before that--you might hit a snag in writing, you might find you need to revamp something you were not anticipating, your equipment might go wonky, you might get the flu, etc. Its just not possible to know with exact certainty and so that is just the way it is. I thought I had a good handle on mine, but it took way longer than I would have thought. For various reasons, not any of which were catastropic, but they added up to taking more time. And, so they just did, and the month I thought I would be done came and went and I was still burning midnight oil.

Just don't let things get to you--realise how you perceive them is coloured by the final last stages of weird PhD writing up stress...my PhD writing up stress was horrible on some days. One day someone said "Hello how are you?" ( a friend) and I burst into tears, because I felt that on edge, that simply asking me how I was made me cry!!! Not every day was like that, but just an example...how you react to stuff is due to PhD stress and writing up stress and not likely always a good gauge of things as they are...just how they seem.

A few nights at the end I was like, seriously, why am I doing this? It was just hideous and awful, and I wanted to bin the entire thing and walk away. At least in the moment. But it got done...and the stress you will have when writing up is different ( at least I think) than other kinds of PhD stress, and its just there and you just live with it, and the main thing, is put your head down and finish...anything else can wait, or be put to the side!

thanks for that information, someone!

Well here is what I did today to prepare for my mock viva this week....

had conversation with colleague who is going to be part of mock viva and talked with her over some chapters. This was just one of those unplanned conversations that began in the lift. I was rattling off this that and the other, to her, without the thesis in front of me to tell her where things were, but almost could recall the very page number of things...

o.0

which made me think any further preparation was not needed. At least for now the thing is branded into my brain almost like a photographic image. I KNOW my arguments inside and out, have read some current literature, but its not a very rapidly changing field, so not a lot new to have happen...after my mock viva I will judge where I felt I had some stuck points in answering and use those as a guide for futher prep.

In a way its not fair that so much of the viva turns on the ability to think on your feet and be at ease with this...I don't think that is a measure of anything but that skill. It really DOES not measure depth of understanding, in many ways. I say that as someone who has Gemini Rising, Mercury in Gemini ( Mercury is the planet of communication, Gemini a sign of communication, very glib and chatty and able to talk off the top of their head---just for anyone who puts any stock in the stars, not sure I do, but whatever!) ( star sign comment offered a bit tongue in cheek)--the point being I am quite fine just answering off the top of my head, it comes easily to me, and I also had exposure to this kind of viva grilling in a way when I practiced law...also had to think on your feet, know complex law and facts off the top of your head in some instances because there was no time to look it up in court, you had to KNOW ( so you burned that knowledge into your head) etc...which does not mean my thesis is higher quality than someone who is more thoughtful and slower to form answers than me.

I am rambling...

so anyway, I got some post it notes and scribbled some things on them, and stuck them on the thesis so it looks like I did something when I go into the mock viva, (honestly I am relying on my detailed table of contents to locate things, not random post it notes, in the actual viva) and called it good.

That is all I am doing. It feels like all I can or need to do at this point...somehow I feel like I SHOULD do more, but I am not.

Some of the prep work that is suggested places almost feels like busy work. I have read where if you do too much prep or review of material too close to a test or whatever, you over ride a lot of what is in your long term memory and you can only recall the most recently reviewed information, suggesting that cramming and reading too close to the viva could impair recall....I don't know.

I will let everyone know how the mock viva went! I feel like I SHOULD be stressed over it, but I am not. I am just like whatever. The only thing stresing me is my lack of stress!

How wonderful for you! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!

*pops a virtual bottle of champagne*

Very happy for you!

Gahhh, sorry for the double post!!!!

Oh yes, it is possible you have read things into his actions, when you are feeling sensitive--in need of more feedback,I would say...so if you are left guessing, you try to fill in the information however you can, and if that means reading the nonverbal signals of the sup, then thats what you do. I take that back to faulty communication. You should never feel unclear about what the sup thinks of your progress and your work to the point you have to guess...and if you do feel this, the sup owes you clear direction ( preferably in writing, so you can have it to refer to, and which also lessens the chance of not being on the same page as to what comments mean) and guidance on the PhD. If you are left feeling like you are guessing, your sup has failed to live up to their role. Well, IMO. :D

And it sounds like your sup is unable to know where to draw boundaries, judging from the remarks he makes about being friends...he feels lost perhaps on how to manage interpersonal relationships...which is perfectly natural and human. We all get lost with this from time to time. Which gets back to--you set the boundaries you are comfortable with or need--and maintain them. Be neutrally pleasant all the time.

But don't take your sups issues as your own. His inability to gauge how to manage the interpersonal relationship between sup and student/friend-not friend is not YOUR issue. Its his and as a sup he needs to sort this himself.

Well, if he has this hot and cold pattern, no need to buy into it. And do not give the sup more credit than they have over the PhD. Its YOURS. If he emails back and says not this week, then fine, just email back, and say, "I am free these dates and times, next week, do any of these work for you?" I would not respond in kind to his funny personal stories, just stick to the business of the PhD. Support? Do you have a second supervisor? Use more of them if you have one. If you don't have one and uni regs allow for one, ask for one. Do anything to try to break this weird relationship pattern your sup is setting up. Its not a healthy one for sure.

Again, its just my own opinion/experience--so take it for what it is worth--but I think the more independently you feel you can produce your thesis the happier and healthier your own PhD experience will be. If the supervisor is on some weird power trip, all the more reason to distance and find your own feet, to the extent your uni environment, PhD research and circumstances allow. I didn't tend to ask my supervisor for permission on things, as this empowered him in a way I did not feel appropriate--so I would tell him what I had planned, ie. conferences, or whatever, and then carry on. If this caused him problems, I was never told about it, and so I never worried. I figured if he was not happy with that way of doing things, he owed it to me to say.


but--each PhD, each uni, each supervisor, will have different expectations and breaking points. But to the extent you can keep your sup at a healthy arm's length, then do so. And then try an out of sight out of mind approach. If the sup is not in your vision, do not think about them, save for the emails or necessary communication.

Well, if he has this hot and cold pattern, no need to buy into it. And do not give the sup more credit than they have over the PhD. Its YOURS. If he emails back and says not this week, then fine, just email back, and say, "I am free these dates and times, next week, do any of these work for you?" I would not respond in kind to his funny personal stories, just stick to the business of the PhD. Support? Do you have a second supervisor? Use more of them if you have one. If you don't have one and uni regs allow for one, ask for one. Do anything to try to break this weird relationship pattern your sup is setting up. Its not a healthy one for sure.

Again, its just my own opinion/experience--so take it for what it is worth--but I think the more independently you feel you can produce your thesis the happier and healthier your own PhD experience will be. If the supervisor is on some weird power trip, all the more reason to distance and find your own feet, to the extent your uni environment, PhD research and circumstances allow. I didn't tend to ask my supervisor for permission on things, as this empowered him in a way I did not feel appropriate--so I would tell him what I had planned, ie. conferences, or whatever, and then carry on. If this caused him problems, I was never told about it, and so I never worried. I figured if he was not happy with that way of doing things, he owed it to me to say.


but--each PhD, each uni, each supervisor, will have different expectations and breaking points. But to the extent you can keep your sup at a healthy arm's length, then do so. And then try an out of sight out of mind approach. If the sup is not in your vision, do not think about them, save for the emails or necessary communication.