Overview of Dr_Crabby

Mu uni sent out an email before they arranged a date asking if there were any dates that were inconvenient for either me or my supervisor so they might do that and let you tell them when you're not available.

I can't offer any advice right now but just wanted to say - I could have practically written this so you're not alone!!

I am working full time with a full time PhD and an enormous amount or work to do, although I don't have a massive commute every day. Is there any way you could move closer to the job in the short term and then you could replace the 3 hr commute with 3 hrs of work?

You are absolutely right pm133, quitting would be the hardest decision to make and the not knowing when to give in is what has me worrying about it, the nature of my research is on traumatic childhoods and at one point during my writing up stage I genuinely felt like I was going mad - I just couldn't get these people's stories out of my head (made worse by the flashbacks and nightmares from my own childhood) and part of me thinks nothing at all is worth sending me back to that place mentally.

BUT I'm not a quitter and I would feel like an absolute failure if I did decide to quit, especially given the nature of the research and how important I think it could be. It's just a constant battle with myself over how much of my sanity I really want to sacrifice and also how bad I don't want to fail!

SShenoy - I think I will take your advice and have a total day off with no plans and no expectations and then try and make very small goals until I start to see some progress. Thanks x

That is a very good way of looking at it. Thank you!

Hopefully that is true that it won't be as bad once I get started, the majority of it needs to be rewritten or restructured though. I have re-jigged my home office and bought a new desk chair but it hasn't helped so far.

I think it's the amount of work and the usual "don't know where to begin" that's putting me off. I sickened myself with my home office spending so much time in there during write up and I think I'm now associating that room with intense stress, now the thought of going in there just makes me feel sick, it's ridiculous though, I'm a grown ass woman (allegedly).

I need to re-write a few sections and add in more literature which is fair enough but I also have to restructure the whole thesis, they apparently didn't like my format so they want it re-jigged which means rewriting more sections to get it all to flow right again, I find editing harder than writing and want to just scrap it and start over but I can't really do that so instead I'm putting it off and frustrating myself wasting time.

Thanks for your reply, I have tried that actually but I end up not doing the work and doing the thing anyway lol. I feel like I've spent so long at uni that now I've had a taste of freedom I've lost all the drive for why I started.

This has probably been posted a million times so apologies but I'm looking for advice or similar experiences.

I basically wrote my entire thesis in 8 weeks around my other commitments (I work full time, have a part time voluntary job and my PhD is FT), I was working on it every spare minute of every single day for that period and then had a few weeks off before my viva. Long story short, my viva was absolutely hellish and I received major corrections (I wasn't surprised but it still didn't feel good). I received the report from the examiners 6 weeks ago and there is so much work to be done for the corrections that I just can't face it. Every time I think about starting them it brings me out in a cold sweat, I've done the usual breaking it down into smaller goals and the pomodoro technique but I've just totally lost the drive that I had to get it done.

My husband has said if I want to call it a day then that's fine and if I want to get it done then he'll support me but it makes no difference to him, he saw how much stress I was under and how much I relaxed after submission and said he doesn't care either way. I seem to have a built in self-destruct/procrastination mode but also have a total fear of failure so I don't want to admit defeat and quit after getting to this point. So right now I seem to be stuck in limbo between having absolutely no interest in going back to my thesis or going back to that dark place mentally but not wanting to quit and sack it off so how do I move forward?

Has anyone else had major corrections and just wanted to throw the entire thing in the fire rather than start over? How do you get past it to make progress or would I be better off just leaving it and moving on?

I'm probably not the best person to offer advice but to me it sounds like you've already made up your mind. If the thought of dedicating another year to it for an MPhil fills you with dread then another 2-3 yrs to obtain a PhD that you have already lost interest in would be hell.

I still have an interest in my topic and I'm on the verge of sacking it after so long.

This is if no help to you at all so sorry but...your post has made me feel better.

I have my viva on Friday and have had major issues with my only supervisor and no support for most of it, everytime I think of my viva I break out in a sweat. I have been absolutely stressed out my box and pretty sure I have anxiety and depression although it's extremely hard for me to admit that. My husband just told me he doesn't like this person I've turned into and I'm insufferable to live with and he's trying to be supportive until after my viva but then he wants the old me back because no amount of qualifications and titles is worth the stress I've put us both under.

I keep telling myself to just keep pushing on and get past the viva and get this whole horrible process over with, so my advice to you would be the same, you've come too far to quit now, just use what you've got and do what you can. We deserve it!!!!!!

Yeah that's a good point, fingers crossed they just add it to the list of corrections and move on to the next section. I'll be glad when it's over.

I haven't told anyone when my viva is apart from my other half. I don't want the extra pressure of people bringing it up all the time leading up to it or asking how it went if it goes horrible.

In terms of arguing with her over decisions, the stats section is literally the only input she has had throughout the whole thing, she has been off sick for the majority of my PhD and dis-interested when she returned and I am confident enough with the qual analysis that I didn't need any guidance from her.

When she explained to me how I had got the stats wrong originally she seemed entirely plausible and I genuinely think she understands those reasons and I just tried to learn her way and her justification for it because I did assume I had mixed it all up. The way I have corrected it I DO understand and I can justify my reasons for those new tests but she disagrees with them and that's where I'm still worried that I have it entirely wrong.

Going into the viva with them "corrected" I can justify my reasons for those, but explaining why I have done them the way I have now totally contradicts the way I had done them to begin with. Also, because none of the original tests showed anything significant I have basically ignored them and focused on the qual findings which are really novel and interesting, some of them at least but it turns out my tests are significant so I should have focused on them more.

It's all just a big mess and a big stress and I can't wait to get it over with. If I don't get major corrections then I don't think I have it in me to rewrite and resubmit the whole thing.

Just what you needed to hear eh?!

My gran asked me when I would be finished so she could start telling people she was proud of me. Aye thanks for that ya old bag lol.

To be honest I don't concern myself with what the family think of it but at stressful times it's nice to be able to offload.

Thanks I needed this! Personally I think there is a difference between being an independent researcher and doing it all on your own. If you get a job as a research assistant for example, you generally work within a team and play to your strengths, stats is not my strength but it is hers so of course I took her advice. I do appreciate what everyone is saying and to be honest I already feel better after discussing it with people who understand what I'm talking about. I'm so sick of hearing the same "just don't think about it" or "it'll be fine" from family who don't really know what difference is makes.

When I highlighted it to my supervisor following the mock she agreed that the chi-square was wrong and it should have been a Pearson's which is where the confusion has probably come in. I'm not so worried about defending it in the viva, I've made some errors, this is why and this is what I've done to fix them. My concern is that they will see that as more than major amendments and want the whole thing rewritten, not just because the stats are potentially wrong but because the rest of the qualitative chapters highlight the original stats e.g. "although the hypothesis have not been supported, the qual findings suggest that xyz".

I'm not entirely sure what counts as major corrections and where the cut off is for that, or does this depend entirely on your examiners?

I just can't get out of my own head right now and I'm already not sleeping worrying about it so by the time the viva actually comes around I'll be half dead lol.