In love with my supervisor!


Hi all. I know it sounds very cliche, but I am in seriously in love with my supervisor. This was not the case from the start. I am 18 months in and I ve been feeling like this for the last 6 months. Now it gets more and more. I love working with him by his compute and I love it when he looks into my eyes when he explains things to me, the way he supports me in every situation, how clever and funny he is etc. The more I get to know him, the more I admire him. Of course it is a secret admiration as he is (apart from supervisor) a married man (he is only 5 years older than me, I am 26).


The thing is that I dont expect anything from him, I just enjoy so much being around him, although very often I caught myself dressing up for him, doing my hair, looking at him deeper in the eyes than I would normally do etc. I would just like to see a level of interest from his side. I know it doesnt sound nice at all, but it is how I feel. I dont want him to do anything, I would just like to know that he "feels" something for me, the minimum.


Do you not have a fiance?

I remember you had a couple of threads about being jealous of his female colleagues.


broke up


what would you do if he did admit to feeling something?


Well he would never admit it because he is very "serious" but if he showed some interest, I would be very happy. I know it may sound imature, childish or whatever but I would feel wonderful if he showed some interest in me. Just this! I respect him a lot and I also respect his marriage; I would never take it a step further. But I have to admit I wouldnt mind flirting a bit with him (always in an acceptable way-nothing too much).


From what you have said, it sounds more like an infatuation rather than love. You say you don't want anything from him but then you say you want some kind of response from him.

I don't know if you are acting/feeling like this because of breaking up with your fiance - as I don't know the details. Maybe your self-confidence has fallen a bit or something and your supervisor is there and is being nice to you.

Dressing up for him, looking into his eyes, you're playing a dangerous game when it comes to your PhD. It's inappropriate behaviour and if you accidently/purposely took it forward you and even your supervisor could get into trouble.

Take a break for a couple of weeks if you must but if you can't shake this feeling then you should consider switching supervisors.


i also have such problem like you , my supervisor has gf, I just wanna control my feeling , avoid to contact him frequently, try to transfer my notice from him, life is really terrible recently when Im in love with him,its really hard when you love someone but you can't love.
whatever good luck to you.


If he is married you should probably try not to think about him romantically. From what you have said, it sounds to me as if you have fallen for a man who appears offer you the support and attention which you perhaps lack elsewhere in your life. Be very careful. It's very easy to make the mistake of falling for a person who assumes the role of mentor in your life but the teacher/student relationship isn't the real friendship of equals. Don't mistake it for something it is not.

I hope you can get past this soon and focus on someone more appropriate and available.


Yeah, when you're feeling low I think it's natural to be attracted to someone who shows interest (even just a professional interest) in you. It's probably a more common feeling that you think. It'll probably pass in a month or two.


supervisor? married? .. seriously, try to put an end to it.. next time, try a "ugly" supervisor.. ( i assume he looks attractive)


Or imagine him pulling a great big bogey out.


wasn't there one like this from 'lamp' a while back?


Thank you all for your responses (both the judgmental and the more understanding ones) My feelings for him are still the same, even more intense I would say. He is unusually nice to me (I forgot to mention that he does not know anything about my personal life) in every level. Anyway, I know what people here will say. Sometimes, things that we feel do not sound nice and people are too quick to judge or give reasons why a person feels the way it feels (because I broke up for example) using their own schemata of cause and effect. I just shared these feelings with you for understanding.


I understand that what I feel for him is "wrong" and I am old enough to know the relationship supervisor-student and how it should be. But people very often have no choice in what they feel. But (luckily) they have choice in how they handle this (although this is debatable as well) and how they act (they have control to SOME extent). I am sorry if I come across negatively, it is just that sometimes it would be very refreshing if we treated others without underestimating their ability to know themselves. That said, I hope that noone will feel what I feel at the moment for my supervisor. It is horrible when you are in love with an anavailable person.