posted about 10 months ago
Hello,
I have posted alot here and hope you arenot get furious from me, but I am struggling indeed and sometimes depression and anxiety attack me frequently, I tried to commit suicide, I cannot sleep nights.
I have heard to the advice given by you, dont look for positions, I do, and I get bored from rejections and professor although I have a permanent job in my home country as teaching assistant, but I take a sabbatical leave as I didnot learn something, awful vibes and environment.
On top of that, I had mental disorders because of my mother death when I was 18, and then my grandama who left me unstable person and the marriage of my father, all these actions made me unstable, thats why I have escaped to fulfil my dreams, but it turned out to be a nightmare.
I am working as RA in a lab now, and they deal with me in very discriminative way, assigned tasks out of my experience, they dont even know, dull environment.
I applied to industry and got rejected because I was overqualified, I tried to optimistic and accept the idea to leave my job from my home country because of the I dont want to remember these bad memories, and switch completely to industry, but it seems hard as well.
I dont know guys, I am thinking loud with you, I dont know what I should do, I cannot endure to be in something, I dont feel happy with it and in the same time there isno alternative. I would like to know what would you recommend me to do, I do like volunatry work and now I am co-organizing a workshop in top conference, but this something temporary.
I am sorry, if I cannot express very well my ideas, but I am trying to find a solution, why I am in the life? I did like teaching students and they liked me so much, but the other parts of administrative work, I didnot liked.