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satchi
Monday, 30 April 2007 at 3:34pm
Friday, 27 July 2018 at 6:12am
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page 1 of 111 recent posts

Thread: Job Interview Experiences - Please share yours Advice/support

posted
09-Apr-16, 00:45
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi Athena30
thanks for sharing! did you get the job?
love satchi

Thread: another thing I need to get off my chest - needy friends

posted
07-Apr-16, 08:43
edited about 18 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi AOE6 and BevCha, thanks for your helpful answers! Largely appreciated!
Come to think of it, I haven't snapped at anybody - I really should start.
What I tend to do is avoid a person, I think snapping is more effective.

love satchi

Thread: another thing I need to get off my chest - needy friends

posted
06-Apr-16, 08:44
edited about 27 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi AOE26 thanks for the sample-reply, I intend to use it.

What is the quickest way to let down an email that says " How are you doing in you , I have been thinking of you. I would love to meet you for a coffee, and hear all your news." (from Friend D - also lives in the same area, also needy)

Can you suggest a diplomatic answer for me -
my truthful stance is that I don't mind emails from her as she writes short ones.
I don't want to have coffee with her, basically it will be hearing all HER news and I end up feeling depleted.

How do I stop being friends with people?
How about -- if I just don't reply her email (so no email, no contact, friendship STOPS) and hope to God I don't bump into her in town.
thanks
love satchi

Thread: I'm very nearly free... Viva tomorrow

posted
06-Apr-16, 08:35
edited about 20 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
congratulations DR Eska!!!
good news to start my day :-)
love satchi

Thread: another thing I need to get off my chest - needy friends

posted
05-Apr-16, 17:02
edited about 20 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi BevCha thanks for getting in touch.

Quote From BevCha:


.. I have found in the past (not just the situation I wrote about in my previous message) that by not stating that this sort of thing is uncomfortable and inappropriate that I was in fact rewarding such behaviour and making the other person feel that its ok to act like that.


this is EXACTLY how I felt -- and I was soooo angry with myself because I did not tell him off, I didn't know what to say -- Dear so-n-so, next time don't write this kind of stuff to me -- and because I did send replies (although I did not reciprocate or mention what he said etc), he must have thought wow, she likes me, so I'll continue..

Now I have also changed my behaviour, I am not so nice and welcoming now. I recently went to a monastery (because I love monasteries) and there was a man there, he said to me, "are you a visitor, I'm a visitor" I said yes politely, and then I changed seats so that we would not continue talking and we would not walk out together/near each other after mass.

I am reducing emails to Friend A, well, I am still kind (and probably stupid) I want to wean him off and gradually it will be one email a week, then fortnight, then once in a while. Up till now he has already sent me 14 emails!!! (two each day from the time I started this post --and there was additional two that he sent to make sure the previous one got through!!!).

Friend B has miraculously not rang me for two days, phew.

Haven't heard from friend C though.

thank you so much again
love satchi

Thread: I'm very nearly free... Viva tomorrow

posted
04-Apr-16, 12:17
edited about 14 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi Eska all the very best for tomorrow!
love satchi

Thread: Problem about unfair and supervisor. Really need help

posted
04-Apr-16, 12:16
edited about 16 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi vivien
Since you have one chance to send the appeal form, just do that first.

Thread: another thing I need to get off my chest - needy friends

posted
31-Mar-16, 16:03
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
Quote From chickpea:


Maybe there are community or campaigning groups who can give Friend C some advice about this stuff? Positive Action in Housing may know of something - they do a lot of work with refugees, but they are always campaigning for the rights of migrants and might be able to give your friend some information.

Aside from that, it is nice to help people but poor you, it sounds like things are a bit out of balance! Maybe you need to prioritise things that are fun and undemanding for a while :)


hi Chickpea, yes she has recently been in contact with someone who can help her. I think she is seeking immigration advice, while she cannot speak English, her children are fluent. Hopefully she will find the courage to start a new life without her horrible husband.

love satchi

Thread: Applying for PhDs... is it normal to feel like I'm losing my mind?

posted
31-Mar-16, 12:02
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi likewhat
I've just seen your post. If it is something you really want to do, don't give up.
It's hard when there are no real answers yet.

Have a plan for the Day -- say you spend the morning on Phd applications etc. and then do something else in the afternoon, that will help take your mind off things and also encourage you not to obsess about it! You could also watch one episode per day of some series that interests you, whether its a documentary or an instructional vid on Youtube.

ho ho I am watching the Walking Dead now, have reached Season 3. I do this in the evenings.

love satchi

Thread: another thing I need to get off my chest - needy friends

posted
31-Mar-16, 10:29
edited about 2 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi chickpea
Friend C is worried in case she might get in trouble with the Home Office. Do you remember recently David Cameron spoke about people who live in the UK and don't speak any English? Friend C is exactly this. She can only speak very few English words, every conversation with her is a guessing game for me and we can never be without an app, obviously I can't speak Turkish. She has a horrendous life with her husband (for example makes her wash his feet EVERY night with a hot-water filled basin and towel!).

She wants to continue to live in the UK but cannot speak English and probably never will.

There is no one else here to help her.

People are nice with her and then people get tired because she can't speak English.

there's only so much I can do, and I need to stay away for my own sanity.
love satchi

Thread: how long does it take for your journal manuscript to get a YES or NO?

posted
31-Mar-16, 09:19
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
thank you so much for replying to my question. I still feel frustrated, though, it's like a state of helplessness -- we are at the mercy of journal editors/reviewers.

I honestly think anything more than three months is just awful. It's like common courtesy, if they don't like the work, they should quickly tell us off so we can move on.

if I have any good news to come about this, I'll post back.
thanks
love satchi

Thread: another thing I need to get off my chest - needy friends

posted
31-Mar-16, 09:16
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi chickpea n Eska
thanks for your replies. actually I have always been like that (hyper-kind), it has only been the last two years that I acquired needy friends. It's probably me (being too nice), and now that I think about it, it's probably also the area that I live, because when I lived in "happier" places, none of my friends were needy.

I have only moved to this area in the past two years -- and all of my "close" friends are needy!

I feel a lot better today, thank you so much. Here are my new solutions:

Friend A = sends me emails like " I love to listen to your voice. I could sit and listen all day to you. Sorry if I became emotional, I never want to say goodbye, it hurts."

solution = only reply ONE email and only when I feel like it, there is no obligation to reply to every single email

Friend B = just don't pick up the phone, only pick up when I feel like it, most of the time, don't pick up

Friend C = stay away, but still keep my word to her, as she has told me - if I don't see her/bump into her/hear from her in days, either contact the police or her solicitor.

love satchi

Thread: another thing I need to get off my chest - needy friends

posted
30-Mar-16, 10:30
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
I am overwhelmed by three needy friends - I don't know why at this point of my life I am attracting needy people.

Friend A = is elderly and have only learned how to use skype (and it's my fault because I taught him - now he wants to skype every week), he emails me twice a day, gets extremely anxious when I don't reply

Friend B = likes to moan over the phone (I have managed to get away by not answering the phone)

Friend C = likes to moan over coffee (and 3 out of 5 times she invites me, she will cancel at the last minute)

How do I get away from Friend A? how can I tell him the truth -- "you are needy, clingy, and our friendship is wearing me down"

Now I dread looking at my emails, and I am angry with myself for letting him into my life!!! I am angry with myself for being so stupid when I first befriended Friend A. I should have not given him my email address. I have really learnt a big lesson :-(

How do I stop feeling so angry at myself???? every morning I get back feeling so angry and so anxious, for example TODAY at 12 o'clock, Friend A is going to skype me! I have already avoided three times of skype, I don't know how I can do it today again. I have been a fool with friends.

love satchi

Thread: how long does it take for your journal manuscript to get a YES or NO?

posted
30-Mar-16, 10:22
edited about 5 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
Hi everyone
I have been quite distressed about this --
I submitted a paper seven months ago to a journal --and only today I have heard from the editor (and that is because I emailed them to ask-- my emails have always been really polite) -- that they are still waiting for reviewer's comments. Is seven months too long? What if I change my mind and want to submit elsewhere, how can I retract my submission then? Or should I just sit and wait? what should I do? I just feel like I can't move forward, I know we are supposed to do other things and write other papers, but I still can't get past this long long long wait.

Thanks
love satchi

Thread: Job interview advice

posted
26-Mar-16, 12:37
edited about 10 seconds later
by satchi
Avatar for satchi
posted about 2 years ago
hi Athena30, well done on getting invited to interview! another tip to add:
go back to the job specs and person spec requirements, and practice answering questions based on those.

For example:
Experience working with children - essential
Experience working in a clinical setting - essential

practice talking on these part OR write out an answer

best of luck
love satchi
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