Thanks for the support guys! As I haven't found anyone in my department that I gel with, I have been doing more stuff outside of university. I spend alot of time in the city going to museums and exhibitions. It's actually quite nice to be peripheral to all the politics that goes on in the department! I think I imagined the whole PhD experience to be vibrant and exhilirating, but have actually found that people are cocooned in their pods most of the time, myself included! I actually really enjoy my own company, but I don't want to become completely cut off from the world, and I've noticed that happening. When I feel it starting, I force myself to get out there and meet people to remind myself that there is still a world going on! Thanks for the encouragement.

Hello all!

I'm in the 2nd year of my PhD and I'm feeling really isolated. I have attended a few lectures/seminars here and there, but have found that I can't relate to any of the PhD students in my department. I haven't found anyone that I feel a connection with, and I think this lack of congeniality has really taken its toll on me. I'm feeling quite disappointed with the whole PhD experience. I guess I imagined that I would find at least one person that I could relate to, but that hasn't happened. Has anyone else gone through this, this feeling that you really are on your own and there's no one there who sparks you? I feel like one day after another is just passing by, and the more time that passes, the more estranged I feel. I end up spending most of my time alone, which doesn't bother me because I enjoy being alone, but I just wish that there was someone around who I felt a bond with. I think it would make the whole experience more bearable.
Thanks for listening!

Hi Hazelj,

Everyone's given great advice on this one.

I too am considering leaving my PhD and am concerned that leaving will affect my future prospects.

One of my mates left his PhD six months ago, and advised me that, if I am asked why I left the PhD, to state that it was for financial reasons that I was unable to continue study. I thought that was quite a good response as it meant you didn't have to expose yourself too much.

Angie, that does sound time consuming indeed! How long does it usually take you to read a text then? I would go with Smilodon's suggestion of skimming the chapter headings, and only reading the chapters that are relevant. If possible, photocopy the chapters/journal articles which are extremely relevant, that way you can highlight (which takes infinitely less time than precise note-taking). I think that one of the problems with taking meticulous notes on a book or doing too close a reading is that you could end up unconsciously adopting someone else's idea as your own, and you can become too concerned with what other theorists think. That's just my view anyway.

Thanks all! I'm going to take all of your advice on board and figure out which system works best for me. It's nice to know that physical symptoms of nervousness aren't actually that obvious. You always assume that if you're feeling it, everyone can see it clear as day! I've been avoiding presenting because I was so scared, but I realise that it's not something I can put off for much longer. I think the PhD makes you really face yourself and confront your insecurities in a big way. I used to be so confident when it came to talking in front of people, so it's so strange that I've now gone to the extreme of being terrified. I guess it's the expectation at this level which has really thrown me off. I bet it's a great feeling when you get that first conference presentation out of the way!

I wanted to ask as well: Do you get people who just read their papers at conferences? How is this seen by others? I would like to avoid doing that.

Thanks so much everyone! You've all given great advice. I like the idea of the Powerpoint, which seems to break it up, knowing that you will be speaking for a certain amount of minutes per slide. Also, there's a visual prompt there which will allow me to flow a bit better I think. I basically didn't want to go up there and seem stiff! I'm going to have to overcome this fear I have of presenting. I know I have to get over this, and I guess the only way is to jump in!

I have this vision that I'll go completely blank and won't be able to salvage it. How do you all present? Do you use Powerpoint? Read from a script? Improvise? I'd love to hear the different ways that people approach this.

Well, it looks like I may have an opportunity to present at a conference in a months time. I am so dreadfully fearful of this that I can't even tell you how many sleepless nights I've had in recent days just thinking about it. It will be my first conference, and I just can't seem to kick this terror. Does anyone else feel like this at the thought of presenting? How in the world do you fight off these feelings? I know this is a common feeling amongst PhD students, but I'm actually becoming overwhelmed with fear. Last night, I was meant to be relaxing, and all I could think about was this bloody conference. Arghhh!

I don't spend a single penny when I'm at uni. I bring in sandwiches, fruit and a flask of coffee. I used to spend at least £10/day and didn't even realise I was doing it. I have a friend who spends £20/day on coffee alone, and he doesn't even finish drinking them! Oh god, I sound like a right scrooge. Feel like my dad who used to whinge about us leaving the lights on around the house!!!

I've cut out take out coffees altogether, and have been saving around £100 a month! I can't believe how much I used to spend on coffees. It's utterly ridiculous. That's been a huge saving. I've also started buying 'value' everything at the supermarket. Value biscuits/cookies are actually well nice. I've become vegetarian as well, which has saved loads. I make alot of stews/casseroles in bulk and then store them in the fridge/freezer. I can't tell you how much money (and time!) I've saved with the changes I've made!

How does he act around other people? Does he act the same as when the two of you are in supervisions?

Bellaz, I can tell you that when I like someone, for instance, I have a tendency to act distant and avoid eye contact altogether. People that I've fancied in the past, (after finding out) have often said that they never realised and thought quite the opposite!

It could be that he is attracted to you and is uncomfortable about his feelings because of other factors involved (his position in the department,has a partner, etc) I'm just putting the attraction hypothesis forward as a possibility. You never know, and it could be that you'll never find out. I wouldn't know how to resolve this. I guess you can't just come out and say: "Hey, guy! Do you hate me or what?!"

sorry, that was 'on the fancying note' that I meant by the way!

Well, not knowing what he does in particular, difficult to say. However, on the fancying not, being a guy, I can tell you that we are known to act uncomfortable around people that we are attracted to, and it can often appear as dislike. Tell us what he does, and we can try to work it out.